Frost tears[Nightdusk's story] chapter five up

proluge
"Great starclan Riverfoot I told you to hold your tounge!"A silver and ginger cat hissed.Three other cats were in the clearing one ginger,one white and one a gray and black tabby,this was Riverfoot.The cats of starclan were at starpool were starclan help thier meetings."Graceflight you were fireclan's medince cat,this windclan's concern."Said Riverfoot narrowing his eyes."It's the concern of all the clans Riverfoot."Said the white cat."Ok Whitestar."Riverfoot said.The ginger cat steped forwerd,narrowing her bright blue eyes."A night's dusk's will be the only one that will destory the darkness that come's across the breezeing winds."She said."Ok Lightflame a prophecy."Said Riverfoot.Everycat padded away and the clearing was silent and empty once again.

Chapter one[cold forest]
"Hi night bet you can't catch me!"Night slowy jumped infront of her brother mist who were playing chase with breeze Night's friend.Then Night came to a halt at a shummering pool.It was night now,so night dicided to rest.Just when when she had went to sleep see heard something.A night's dusk will be the only one that willdestroy the darkness that come's across the breezeing winds.Holy mouse!She thought.The young cat felt shocked and confused."What was that?"She asked herself.Then she closed her eyes again into deep sleep."Hello."said a voice.Night jumped to her paws.She found herself in a dark forest with no stars or moon.She walked over to the cat,who a soft black pelt and dark blue eyes."Who are you?"She asked.The cat replyed."Sharpfang."She said."Hello Sharpfang."Night said.She still shivering all over."Where am I?"She asked."You are dreaming,"Sharpfang said."come with me."She padded after into the dark forest.

Chapter two[Change of heart]
Night had been training in that strange forest for half a moon now.She saw and met two other apprentices
training,Tawnypaw and flamepaw.Then one night she heard someone mention clans.Shocked she ran back to tell her brother what she had heard."Night!"Yowled her mother whisper who had arrived with her father forest."Mom dad guees what I heard!"Night said bouncing with joy.She told them about the clan."Night,"Said her mother."Those cats are selfish."Night jumped."No they are not!"She hissed."And I can prove all of you wrong.I swear to starclan!"Every cat jumped when she finished.They slowy looked at each other very confused."Night,"The leader of the group fang began."Leave now."Her mother jumped backwards."What?! I'm only five moons old!"She said."You are old enough to take care of yourself."He said.Upset she ran away.Sharpfang was right,everycat I know are selfish!She thought.

Chapter 3[lies and regrets]
As Night ran from home,she knew that her brother and mother and best friend would miss her."Why did he have to do that?!"She hissed."My own father dosen't even care about me!"She sheltered at a cave that no cat has been there in a long time.Her Mother told her and her brother about it when they were younger.She went to sleep."Hello"Said a voice.It was Sharpfang."Hi,"She said."My family hates me!"All the cats stepped back looking at each other."At least Starclan likes me."Night mewed."This isn't starclan,"Hissed a silver and white cat."This the dark forest!".Sharpfang lunged for the cat sinking her teeth into her throat."That will you teach you a lesson Mistsnow!"She spat."Sharpfang?"Night asked.Sharpfang Looked at her"It is true?"Sharpfang looked away."Yes it's true."She said.

Chapter 4[love that hates]
Night stepped back.She couldn't belive it!Everything she had ever heard was a lie!"It can't be true!"She yowled with shock in her voice."It is true."Sharpfang's voice was warm."I understand."Night mewed."Night,"Said a voice behind her.It was her best friend and crush, flamepaw."Do you still love me?"He asked."Yes Flamepaw I still love you."Said Night, her voice sad but warm.She rubbed against each him."I hate to interupt,"Sharpfang said."But are you still loyal to the dark forest Night?"She asked.Two other dark forest cats called Moonsplash and Talonfur stepped forward."Good that you are to."Said Moonsplash.Talonfur flicked his tail."Go to the clans,"He said."Prove them that you will be the best warrior in the forest."Night nodded."Yes I will!"She yowled."And to be with Flamepaw I'll join Skyclan."Flamepaw purred happily."Thank you."He mewed."You're welcome."Night said.I will join skyclan to be with Flamepaw.She thought as she woke up.

Chapter 5[new kind of respect]
Night walked out of the cave to go hunting.An hour later she came with mouse and a sparrow.Night heard something."Show yourself!"She hissed.A white and black tom stepped out .Night leaped at him clawing at his shoulder.The tom's green eyes were wide with fear."Who are you?"She snarled."S-shiver."Said the tom."Do you need shelter Shiver?"Night asked her eyes were warm."Yes."Shiver mewed.Night led him into the cave."I made a nest."She said."Thanks."He said."Do you know about the clans?"She asked giving him her mouse."Yes,"He said."Yes I do."Night nodded."What do you know about them?"She asked.Shiver told her what he knew about them."My mother told me they were selfish.Is that true?"Night said when he was finished.Shiver shook his.Night let out a sigh of releif.Soon she was sharing tounges with the young tom.The one that understood her pain.

Chapter 6[the coming darkness]
Night looked at shiver three moons had passed since she met him."You know what I like you."He said."I like you you to."Night mewed.Since she was eight moons now she was okay living alone with shiver.That night she sneaked of to go skyclan.Goodby Shiver.She thought.I'll miss you.She padded away into the darkness.

Chapter six will be finished later.....

It's a rather short story, but pretty good. A little more detail would be awesome and if you put spaces between sentences.

Like blossomheart said, more detail and spaces between the sentences. Also, narrowing is spelled like that, not "narroing." Those are the main things. Other than that, it is pretty good.

Chapter one is up!

I agree, it's short. More descriptive detail would make it better, and please go to the next line whenever you change speakers in dialogue.
Also, one thing that really gets on my nerves and I see this with a couple of other members too: please space and punctuate correcly. It makes it a lot easier to read that way, and looks neater and more professional. Like the way I'm typing now.

Type it on Microsoft Word... It corrects spelling errors, grammatical errors and punctual errors.