Black Blood: The Next Generation
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Black Blood: The Next Generation
BLACK BLOOD: NEXT GENERATION
~Intro:
Hey Everyone! Forestblaze and I decided to make a Collab story. Her story is about Moonsplash, (Icepaw is my insane character) Icepaw's older half story, and how she became corrupt from her dead sister's promises and encourgments. Soon Icepaw rose to power, only to fall at the paws of Starclan. This is Icepaw's Story. Warning, can have hints of Gore, so if you don't like Gore, don't read Read & Review Please!~
[Also, the Prolouge is Icepaw's death. ]
Leaf-Bare is among you, but it shake the forest harder, freeze the lands, coat the sky black, make the ground run red, and ultimately tear apart the code...in the forum of Ice...
Chapter 1: How the Maddness Started.
Chapter 2: Do you wanna know how far to go?
Chapter 3: Tell me you're here
~Intro:
Hey Everyone! Forestblaze and I decided to make a Collab story. Her story is about Moonsplash, (Icepaw is my insane character) Icepaw's older half story, and how she became corrupt from her dead sister's promises and encourgments. Soon Icepaw rose to power, only to fall at the paws of Starclan. This is Icepaw's Story. Warning, can have hints of Gore, so if you don't like Gore, don't read Read & Review Please!~
[Also, the Prolouge is Icepaw's death. ]
Leaf-Bare is among you, but it shake the forest harder, freeze the lands, coat the sky black, make the ground run red, and ultimately tear apart the code...in the forum of Ice...
- Prolouge:
Icepaw smiled, triumph and insanity battling in her eyes. With a simper, Icepaw let limp cat’s body go, blood pooling around her. Screams of horror and rage drowned out everything, but to Icepaw, it was like cheering. She beamed, before kicking the body across the clearing. Icepaw felt giddy, and excited.
” See? See the power I can give you, dearest Icepaw? Ambition is above anything else, and you cannot be afraid to get blood on your paws for it!” Moonsplash purred into her ear, her voice filled with excitement.
Icepaw launched herself up onto to the Great rock, the other leaders scrambling away in horror. The other leaders backed away, eyes’ wide with horror at what they witnessed. Icepaw stalked lowly, like she was hunting, towards Adderstar, who was watching horrified. Lunging, Icepaw pinned the elderly tom down, pressing her wickedly long claws against the tom’s throat.
“You see! We shouldn’t allow the weak to survive! We must kill them off! Only the strong….” Icepaw tightened her grip on the tom’s throat, with a grin, “Can survive in this world..” and with that, with a quick blow, she killed her leader. Wails and screams came from all around the great rock. Some cats fled, while some stood still, stricken with fear, their paws rooted to the ground. Icepaw’s eyes were flashing with pure joy of the kill, and insanity.
The other leaders stood disgusted and disgusted as the little white demon cat turned, her teeth stained with blood, and began to stalk towards them. Suddenly, with a amused expression, the wicked she-cat lunged, shoving the Thunderclan leader off the High rock, where she landed with a sickening thud. Her head was twisted at an odd angle, and her eyes were rolled back and her tongue lolled out. With a small chuckle, Icepaw turned again, and looked the remaining two leaders over. The Shadowclan leader, Ratstar growled, unleashing his claws, “I ain’t being killed by a apprentice! Not without a fight!” he hissed, his thick muscles rippling. The Riverclan leader, Froststar nodded determinedly, also unleashing her claws. With a roar, Ratstar launched himself at the Apprentice, and the two went tumbling across the Great rock, close to the edge. Icepaw kicked him off, and slashed at his muzzle. Ratstar retaliated with a stunning blow across the small she-cat’s head. Icepaw went sprawling. With a huff, Ratstar and Froststar padded across the Great Rock, nervously. Suddenly Icepaw leaped to her paws, but was barreled across the Great Rock, causing all three cats to fall off. Icepaw let out a shriek, but it was cut off as the two full grown cats slammed into her. Ratstar pressed his claws against her throat, and Froststar pressed her claws into Icepaw’s belly. Hatred glowed in the tiny cat’s eyes with such ferocity that it made Froststar shiver. With a snarl, Icepaw struggled in vain, thrashing out angrily. Ratstar kept the small she-cat pinned down. “Burn in the Dark-Forest!” Ratstar snarled, before he sank his claws into the she-cat throat. Icepaw’s eyes widen in terror and horror, before she began to shake, on the clearing floor. The she-cats claws raked the rocks, making an ear-piercing song, while she panted, dark blood flowing freely.
Froststar was horrified; her blood looked black! Icepaw's pants began to slow down, her flanks began to grow still. With a cackle that sent blood spraying out of her mouth, she looked up at the two leaders, and laughed. And laughed, and Laughed. Suddenly, the small she-cat convulsed, before vomiting blood, her eyes rolling back before she fell into a series of spasms before she died.
Pain seared Icepaw’s body, and let out a pain filled shriek, before she awoke in the Dark Forest, Moonsplash was sitting a little off, her Simi-faded body had a smooth and sleek look to it. “You failed, Icepaw. I am very…” Moonsplash flexed her claws and tore the grass “Disappointed with you. But come now, We have much planning to do…Come dear sister..” Moonsplash mewed, showing Icepaw the dark, dank, rotting forest. Icepaw turned around, and saw a shimmering forest, with her mother, father, and littermates. Icepaw’s mother, Flamedance looked at her pleadingly while Stoneice gave her a warm smile. With a smirk, Icepaw turned, and followed her sister into the Dark Dank Forest, already eager for next lesson.
Chapter 1: How the Maddness Started.
- Spoiler:
- Blood sprayed in the air; screams filled the air like a dark twisted song. Thunderclan cats filled the clearing, battling fiercely with the Windclan warriors. Icekit flinched as another scream rang in the air, and she recognized it as the kind, gentle queen, Songbird, but now the cry was filled with pure fury, and sounded nothing like the gentle tabby she-cat. Icekit pressed her nose into Coyotekit’s brown fur, seeking comfort in her older brother. He gently licked her ear, but flinched as a agonized screech filled the air. Shardkit sat on his other side, letting out small whimpers as the trio huddled in the deep mossy nest, fear pricking their pelt. Icekit lifted her head to peer out of the nursery. She nearly screamed in terror at the sight. Cats were fiercely clawing, and snapping at each other. Blood lay in pool all around the clearing, and fur heavy with flesh hung from the brambles. Suddenly, a flash of bright orange raced towards the nursery. Flamedance! Icekit got to her paws, and raced out of the nursery, into the thick of the fight. Her littermates were screaming.
“Mother!!” Icekit cried
“Icekit get ba-“Flamedance was cut off as a she was slammed into by a golden tabby tom. Icekit stopped dead, and let out a loud wail. The tom had Flamedance pinned down, but swung his head up to look at her.
“ICEKIT!” Flamedance screamed, struggling madly. But the tom swiped a paw across her head, flinging Icekit across the clearing, blood dripping down into her eyes.
“Mommy….” She whimpered weakly, but she saw Flamedance lying in a pool of blood, her body still. Tears ran down Icekit’s face, and a wail rose to her throat. Icekit forced herself to her paws, dragging and stumbling across the clearing, before collapsing at her mother’s side. Flamedance’s eyes were half open, and she was breathing so faintly, it was almost impossible to hear it. With a wail, Icekit wailed loudly. She sobbed, and cried. The whole battle stopped dead to watch mother and daughter in their final moments; horrified.
“Mommy, don’t go!! Please! Who will make the mean cats stop teasing me? Who will love me?” Icekit wailed, shaking her mother’s flank. Tears were now pouring out of her wide blue eyes.
“Icekit, I’m so sorry..My sweet little Icekit. But mommy has to go..Just…” Flamedance’s flanks were heaving now, and her eyes were glazing over. “..Remember I love you..” and with that, Flamedance fell silent.
“M-Mommy..?” Icekit squeaked.
No Response.
“MOMMY?!” Icekit asked louder, shaking her mother harder.
Flamedance only flopped back.
“MOTHER?!” Icekit shrieked desperately. Coyotekit and Shardkit crept up, staring wide eye at their mother. Icekit stared numbly at her mothers body.
“She’s Gone! I’ll never see her again. Never hear her voice again. Never smell her scent again. Never talk to her again. Never have her comfort me from bad dreams. How could she leave me?! When she promised she’d never go….” Icekit thought numbly. Icekit allowed herself to be picked up by Songbird, and taken away from her body. Icekit drifted in out of alertness, her mind wandering to the happy memories of her life.
“Are you alright, Icekit? Are you hurt?” Yarrowwhisker, the medicine cat, asked softly. To Icekit, the words sounded far away and like splashes in a pool.
“What’s wrong with her?” Songbird fretted, licking the small white kit’s head. Yarrowwhisker inspected the small kit, his brilliant amber eyes flitting over the small still, silent, white kit.
She’s been traumatized, Songbird. I’m not surprised though. She just saw Flamedan-“
A sob wrenched its way through her throat, and Icekit let out a wail, before falling into a series of sobs.
“Why did she have to die?!” Icekit asked between her sobs. Songbird gently cooed, licking her.
After maybe an hour or two, Songbird went to discuss options for Stoneice’s kits since Flamedance died.
Icekit sat alone in the medicine cat’s den. NO emotion showed on the she-kit’s face. Staring into the blood slicked clearing, she saw fur heavy with flesh, and blood across the clearing.
“If I ruled ALL the clans, There would be no death. And those who disobeyed me would suffer! Death is a sin against purity! We must unite, before all is lost! Under my leader-ship, I can make it happen! No one….” Icekit’s gaze hardened into terrifying glare. “Will stop me..”
Chapter 2: Do you wanna know how far to go?
- Spoiler:
- Icekit padded sullenly from the fresh-kill pile, her ice bull eyes angry. Stupid Snowbird! She was totally being fair! Coytekit and Shardkit were just lying. Icekit stared into the nursery, it use to be a warm dark place that was a safe haven to Icekit, but now it was just a stupid black hole of misery. Just like everything else. Icekit trudged into the nursery, and flopped down into a small pile of moss in the farthest corner in the den; her nest. She squeezed her eyes closed, and waited for sleep.
Icekit awoke in a bright meadow, tall green grass towered over her. Bright blue butterflies trailed around lazily. Icekit stared at the meadow; it was the middle of leafbare! Where did all this pretty stufff come from?! Icekit focused on a fat green grasshopper, and dropped into a hunting postion. Wagglings her haunches, Icekit pounced, but she slammed into something. Sqeaking, Icekit hopped up to her paws, and stared at the pretty silver she-cat grooming her long, scary claws. The she-cat lazily looked at the kit with icy blue eyes. She set her paw down, and suddenly the meadow began to rot away into a disgusting dead forest.
"You're finally here." The she-cat began, her voice like ice.
"W-who-"
"Do you wanna know how far to go?" The she-cat began,lurching forward towards Icekit.
"What-t?" Icekit stammered, frightend.
"Ohhhhhhh...." The she-cat moaned, putting her paws over her head.
" I knew you were too young...." The she-cat exclaimed, standing up again, and assulting a tree in her rage.
The she-cat continued to beat and claw the young sappling, until the thin trunk snapped.
"Woah..." Icekit breathed in awe.
The cat turned around, her eyes brimming in renewed interest. She sauntered towards Icekit, and grinned wickedly.
"Did you like to see a cat break a tree into splinters?" She asked coyly.
"Yeah! It was really cool!" Icekit exclaimed, jumping to her paws.
The strangers grin grew wider, and suddenly Icekit was pressed into her fur.
The stranger was hugging her! (O.O )
Icekit froze, but soon relaxed into the strangers silky fur. She liked this cat! The stranger looked down at Icekit, her ice blue eyes glowing in the darkness.
"Dearest Icekit, I am your older sister. I have come to offer you a chance to become the strongest, most loved warrior Windclan has ever seen!" The she-cat mewed, letting Icekit go.
"Sister? I have an older sister?! Oh boy! I can't wait to tell C-" Icekit broke off as The stranger clucked her tounge.
"Little sister." the stranger began, adopting a new title for her, " your siblings cannot know about me sadly. Your father would be the most displeased."
"Oh...But a big sister! I've always wanted an older sister! And your the bestest older sister because your going to teach me how to be the bestest warrior ever!" Icekit rambled excitedly.
"Now come on, I want you to meet some of my friends." The stranger mewed, gently nudging Icekit into the bushes, following her scent trail back to a ugly, dead, clearing.
"Sister?" Icekit mewed timidly, looking up at her sister with an adorable look.
"Yes, little one?" Her sister quired, looking down.
"What is your name?" Icekit asked shyly, embarassed that she had a sister and didn't even know her name!
"...." Her sister was silent a first, and as a dead tree came into view, she picked Icekit up, and leaped over the fallen tree. She set her sister down, and gave her a almost evil smile.
"Moonsplash...."
Chapter 3: Tell me you're here
- Spoiler:
- Icekit was in a deep sleep, curled on her tiny pile of moss, her breathing deep and slow.
Icekit was in a starry forest, and warm scents of green-leaf filled her nose. Suddenly, a familiar scent hit Icekit's nose, and tears pricked her eyes.
"Mom!" Icekit turned around, and saw her starry mom, still as beautiful as ever, standing in front of her. Starlight shone in Flamedance's fur, and her green eyes glowed with wisdom.
"Icekit...My sweet,sweet Icekit." Flamedance breathed, longing for her daughter evident in her eyes and mind.
"Mommy! You finally came to see me! I'm so excited! I missed you so much!" Icekit mewed, dashing up to her mother, hurtling herself into her mom's fur, hugging her.
"I missed you too, Icekit." Flamedance purred, embracing her daughter closer, but soon the sweet moment ended and Flamedance let go.
"Icekit, my time grows short. I must warn you of the path you are going to take. MY sweet, sweet, baby, if I could change your fate, I would. I wish I could..." Flamedance whispered mournfully.
Icekit looked up nervously, fear burning her bones. What was so terrible about her fate?
"Your faith must NEVER sway! You must stay stray from your path Icekit. You must follow the stars, not the moon.." Flamedance cried, the forest swirling around them, being engulfed by ash, that rained down all around them.
"Mommy! What's happening?! I'm scared!" Icekit cried, the whole forest burning down around them. Suddenly, Flamedance looked down at her daughter, and whispered something that Icekit would never forget.
"I tried....I tried so hard....Fate must be so cruel to lead you along this path. I'm sorry Icekit, my sweet baby. But I must go...and...I will never return...But you must stay strong my beloved. Do not give into the darkest of temptations!" And with that, a gust of winds howled around them, and Flamedance's body began to melt away, until only her eyes remained. But they too faded. Icekit wailed in terror, the wind grew stronger, tugging at Icekit, making her stumble.
"MOTHER! DON'T GO!" Icekit screamed into the burning forest, the wind sweeping away her words. Suddenly, the forest was filled with images of her clanmates faces.
Coytekit
Shardkit
Stoneice
Songbird
Yarrowwhisker...
A terrible moaning joined the wind, rising above it.
"SAVE US......" The terrible shrieking began, followed by screams of agony, terrible laughter and the rank scent of blood arose in the air.
"MOTHER! WHAT DID I DO! I WON'T DO IT AGAIN! DON'T LEAVE ME! PLEASE, COME BACK!" Icekit screamed into the terrible forest, ash turning into a bloody rain that began to pour down upon her. Shadows grew into cat fourms, and wicked laughter filled the forest. Icekit whimpered, dropping to the ground, covering her ears with her paws, praying that it would end. Tears ran down her face. Was this the terrible fate Icekit was going to live? Suddenly, Icekit realised that the bloody rain had stopped, and the moon was peering out from the black sky....but something was wrong...Blood was running down the face of the moon! Icekit wailed in terror, and began to back away, praying this horrible nightmare would end. Suddenly, Icekit backed into someone...Spinning around, Icekit saw a familiar silver/grey pelt, with ice blue eyes. Moonsplash. Her sister prowled towards her, her teeth barred. Moonsplash lunged, her teeth going straight for Icekit throat. Icekit shrieked, scrambling away, but she was falling!
"Icekit! Icekit! Wake up! You were screaming!" Songbird, her foster mother, was covering Icekit's face in licks.
"OH songbird! It was so scary! Everyone was screaming, Flamedance left me, and my sister attacked me! She attacked me! Blood was everywhere, and the forest was burning down!" Icekit sobbed, hiccuping, pressing her face into the queens white fur. She noticed that she stiffend at the mention of her sister, but Icekit was too terrified by the horrid dream. Grabbing Icekit by the scruff, Songbird carried a sobbing Icekit to Yarrowwhisker's den, and plopped her down in a nest of moss and heather, and beckonded Yarrowwhisker out of the den to talk.
"Yarrowwhisker, it sounds like a sign from Starclan! I've never heard Icekit so spooked!"
"Maybe...But what could a burning forest and bloody rain mean?" Yarrowwhisker mused.
"But there's one other thing...." Songbird whispered
"What?"
"She....Moonsplash was in her dreams..."
"Great Starclan! It's going to be the end of us if that kit's like her!"
Icekit cocked her head, in confusion. What was so bad about Moonsplash?
(This chapter was such a terrible pain! ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) Hope you enjoy it though!)
Last edited by Viper on December 30th 2012, 14:20; edited 8 times in total
Lilacstar- WindClan Leader
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Re: Black Blood: The Next Generation
It's a good start, and a pretty standard length for a chapter. I'd like to point out that you used words/phrases quite repitively though.
The first two sentences: you already stated the Icepaw was smiling. It's unnecessary to repeat that, "With a smile, Icepaw..."
You also repeated the words "excited" and "excitement" a little close together. You could instead expand your vocabulary and use the words, "exultant, jubliant, etc."
When Moonsplash spoke, she repeated the word "see". It's not necessary to change this, but I think just "See what power I can give you?" is good enough.
Also, when describing the leaders, you used "horrified" a little way too much. Why not use synonyms, like "repulsed, disgusted, etc."?
While writing what the leaders said to Icepaw, the word "hissed" was used twice in quick succession, as well as "With a roar, Ratstar..."
You also used "pressed his/her claws" twice, so maybe you could instead do "slashed his claws", "stabbed her claws", etc.
Next time, try proofreading first.
The first two sentences: you already stated the Icepaw was smiling. It's unnecessary to repeat that, "With a smile, Icepaw..."
You also repeated the words "excited" and "excitement" a little close together. You could instead expand your vocabulary and use the words, "exultant, jubliant, etc."
When Moonsplash spoke, she repeated the word "see". It's not necessary to change this, but I think just "See what power I can give you?" is good enough.
Also, when describing the leaders, you used "horrified" a little way too much. Why not use synonyms, like "repulsed, disgusted, etc."?
While writing what the leaders said to Icepaw, the word "hissed" was used twice in quick succession, as well as "With a roar, Ratstar..."
You also used "pressed his/her claws" twice, so maybe you could instead do "slashed his claws", "stabbed her claws", etc.
Next time, try proofreading first.
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Re: Black Blood: The Next Generation
*says like Dora "My favorite part was how the Thundeclan leader dies!"*
I like this Moonsplash and Icepaw are insane sisters :3
I like this Moonsplash and Icepaw are insane sisters :3
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Re: Black Blood: The Next Generation
i agree that many details repeat, but i'm getting the feeling some are on purpose, too
you missed a few letters and a few commas in places, but Brightstar pointed out the major things. proof-reading does help.
also, the sentence "...they witnessed." should be "they had witnessed". just some grammar stuff.
it's a good story the metaphors you used were nice, too.
you missed a few letters and a few commas in places, but Brightstar pointed out the major things. proof-reading does help.
also, the sentence "...they witnessed." should be "they had witnessed". just some grammar stuff.
it's a good story the metaphors you used were nice, too.
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Re: Black Blood: The Next Generation
Viper, just a question: Are you going to keep writing this? Because you haven't written anything in a little while.... :/
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Re: Black Blood: The Next Generation
STORY UPDATED!!
Sorry for such a long wait, but I hope you like it!! :3
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Re: Black Blood: The Next Generation
Awesome update Viper! I can see that you proof-read this time. Keep on writing~
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Re: Black Blood: The Next Generation
This time you don't have any typos which is a great improvement
You still repeat lots of details, though. In the first few lines you repeated, "in the air" three times. Also, watch for sentences like "With a wail, Icekit wailed".
Something that I wanted to point out was that fur can't really be heavy with flesh, can it? Unless cats were ripped to shreds and there were enough shreds to cake their bodies with the remnants o.o
You still repeat lots of details, though. In the first few lines you repeated, "in the air" three times. Also, watch for sentences like "With a wail, Icekit wailed".
Something that I wanted to point out was that fur can't really be heavy with flesh, can it? Unless cats were ripped to shreds and there were enough shreds to cake their bodies with the remnants o.o
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Re: Black Blood: The Next Generation
Moonsplash is light gray, not silver. :3 BUT I LOVE THE NEW CHAPTER!!! Mainly the end, "Moonsplash...." And she hugged her... LOLOLOLOLOLOLOL. NEW ONE NOW!!! O()O
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Re: Black Blood: The Next Generation
Whoa this story hasn't been updated for a couple months. But heyy, it's a good start! I think you should continue it Viper.
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Re: Black Blood: The Next Generation
This is awesome! can't wait for more!
But I found a few typos...
But I found a few typos...
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Re: Black Blood: The Next Generation
If you found typos than please state them. Edit your post above.
You should continue this Viper. :] Especially since Fores started her little RP.
You should continue this Viper. :] Especially since Fores started her little RP.
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Re: Black Blood: The Next Generation
I found the typos in chapter 1. I haven't looked at the Prologue yet.
Typo on the left, correct spelling on the right
Chapter 1
stufff - stuff
frightend - frightened
(x2)strangers - stranger's
Typo on the left, correct spelling on the right
Chapter 1
stufff - stuff
frightend - frightened
(x2)strangers - stranger's
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