Black Blood: The Rise
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Black Blood: The Rise
The prologue is before "Black Blood: The Next Generation!"!
Prologue: That's it...!
Chapter One: I want to be just like YOU.
Black Blood Links:
http://www.warriorcatsforum.com/t2219-black-blood-how-it-all-began
http://www.warriorcatsforum.com/t2223-black-blood-the-next-generation
Prologue: That's it...!
- Spoiler:
- Moonsplash had killed half of Windclan in the past 8 moons, including Silvershadow, Hailgaze, and Snowfall. She was 20 moons old at the time. She hadn't been suspected of murder yet. Stoneice and Flamedance are now mates, and Flamedance is expecting kits. She meowed to Treesap,
"Wanna go hunting?"
"Sure, Tinykit!"
They want out of camp, and Moonsplash meowed,
"I found a place out of Clan territory full of prey! Wanna see?"
"Sure...?"
What Moonsplash didn't know was Stoneice suspected her of the disappearances. He followed them the whole way. They stopped in a clearing with one big oak tree, dead bodies everywhere. Treesap gasped, just before Moonsplash knocked him down. She ripped open all of his muscles, and the ripped open his belly, neck to tail.
"Thanks for falling into my trap."
She winked, and padded away. Stoneice's eyes widened. I caused ALL of this...! He followed her into camp, and Moonsplash went to sleep. Stoneice followed her in once she fell asleep, and did it. He killed her. He ripped her throat open, and Moonsplash woke up.
"What the...?!" she gasped.
"I'm sorry, Moonsplash. I had to."
"Flea-bag! I'll get you back for this!" she gasped one last breath, and fell limp.
"We're free!" Stoneice yowled.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Moonsplash woke up in a dark place.
"Where am I?" Moonsplash demanded.
"The Dark Forest." a reply came. A dark tabby with amber eyes padded out of the shadows, "Welcome. I'm Falconstrike."
"Moonsplash." she grumbled in return. She padded away, and ran into a cat named Sunfall.
"Out of my way, apprentice!" he spat.
"Apprentice?" Moonsplash snapped, and attacked the tom.
"W-Wait! You're Moonsplash! Our leader is about to fade. He acted like a Starclan cat and told Stonice it was you who was the murderer! We needed you to die because he needed a new leader of the Dark Forest!"
Moonsplash's eyes lit up. She ran after Sunfall, and saw the leader.
"It worked." he rasped, "I'm Spidereye." his figure shook, and started to fade, "I'm fading...! Moonsplash, you must lead the Dark Forest to victory. Find a way."
He faded, and Moonsplash smiled,
"I like it here."
At that moment, Moonsplash looked into a pool, and saw Flamedance had her kits. That's when Moonsplash had an idea. She heard the name 'Icekit' come from Flamedance. It was a tiny kit. Like she was...
"I have decided!" she yowled, "Icekit is plan A to rule the clans!" Yowls of agreement came from all around her, "In 6 moons, we will lure her into our trap!"
Chapter One: I want to be just like YOU.
- Spoiler:
- Moonsplash watched Icekit closely. Shardkit and Coyotekit were her siblings, Coyotekit being the oldest. The clan taunted her, over and over. Moonsplash dug her claws in the ground, then smiled as it was night time for the clans. Cats appeared here and there, finding their mentors. Falconstrike was training his apprentice, Darksky.
"Moonsplash!" Falconstrike called.
Moonsplash padded over to him, and asked,
"What?"
"I think Darksky's ready to become a warrior here." he replied.
"Let him fight..." Moonsplash looked around, "Dawnshine."
Dawnshine was Moonsplash's apprentice for a while. Dawnshine was one of the best fighters in all of the Dark Forest. Darksky stared into Dawnshine's eyes, trying to scare her. Dawnshine just stayed calm though.
"Ready..."
All the muscles in Dawnshine's body rippled.
"Set..."
Darksky got on his haunches.
"FIGHT!"
Darksky burst into action. He pounced on the she-cat, claws unsheathed. He pinned her down, and Dawnshine set her hind legs on his belly and kicked him off, sending him flying. He landed with a huge thud, and got up, pain clouding his eyes. He started running towards her, and Dawnshine tripped him with her forepaw, Darksky sliding. With a screech from Dawnshine, she attacked him. They fought for a while longer, then Moonsplash yowled,
"TIME!"
The two cats panted, blood oozing from their wounds.
"Darksky, you are now a Dark Forest warrior." Moonsplash meowed.
She padded back to her den, looking in the puddle of water.
"From this moment on, you will be known as Icepaw."
"It's time..."
She faded, and ended up in the tall grass outside of the clearing.
"Pst. Icepaw. Over here." Moonsplash whispered.
Icepaw followed the voice, and saw Moonsplash.
"Who are you?" she asked curiously.
"I'm Moonsplash-"
"I know you from nursery tales! You're the cat that was just like me!" Icepaw whispered, "I want to rid of my siblings too. I want to be just like you, step sis. You almost got to rule the clans! I want to too."
"Then come with me." Moonsplash purred, beconing Icepaw with her tail.
Black Blood Links:
http://www.warriorcatsforum.com/t2219-black-blood-how-it-all-began
http://www.warriorcatsforum.com/t2223-black-blood-the-next-generation
Last edited by Forestblaze on October 1st 2012, 14:12; edited 4 times in total
Redstar- ShadowClan Leader
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Re: Black Blood: The Rise
You have some conflicting present tenses and past tenses. Such as "She was 20 moons now. She hasn't been suspected..." Since you seem to use past tense for the rest of the chapter, I'd suggest you'd change "hasn't to "hadn't".
It would make smoother transition in the story if you use a little more detail as to, for example, how she knew that Flamedance had had her kits at that very moment. Could she sense it? See it through a pool? And maybe describe her surroundings in the Dark Forest just when she woke up? It would make it a lot better.
Keep writing!
It would make smoother transition in the story if you use a little more detail as to, for example, how she knew that Flamedance had had her kits at that very moment. Could she sense it? See it through a pool? And maybe describe her surroundings in the Dark Forest just when she woke up? It would make it a lot better.
Keep writing!
Nyx- IceClan Warrior
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Re: Black Blood: The Rise
lots of ripping, i see
it's got more detail than the original story, i think. there are a lot of good ideas wedged into the few paragraphs, but i agree with Brightstar that you should elaborate (don't go overboard, we don't need to know... some details). it's a developing plot keep writing to improve! xD
it's got more detail than the original story, i think. there are a lot of good ideas wedged into the few paragraphs, but i agree with Brightstar that you should elaborate (don't go overboard, we don't need to know... some details). it's a developing plot keep writing to improve! xD
Caraway- Global Moderator
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Re: Black Blood: The Rise
I agree with y'all. And more description, instead of so much dialogue, would be awesome too It's an awesome story though, and I can't wait to hear more!
Noxe- IceClan Warrior
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Re: Black Blood: The Rise
Like maple said, less dialouge and more description. Other than that, it is fine! Really good story! Keep writing!
Sunbeam- RiverClan Senior Warrior
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Re: Black Blood: The Rise
Chapter 1 is up! Hope you enjoy it!
Redstar- ShadowClan Leader
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Re: Black Blood: The Rise
Chapter One is an improvement It really displays what goes on in the Dark Forestl, and the whole thing with Icekit makes sense. There are less typos and more description. Great job
Caraway- Global Moderator
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