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Black Blood: How it all Began

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Solved Black Blood: How it all Began

Post by Redstar September 24th 2012, 21:14

Windclan Characters:
Spoiler:

Prologue: What Started it All
Spoiler:

Chapter 1: It Spreads
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Chapter 2: The Apprentice Ceremony
Spoiler:

Chapter 3: Tresspassers...?!
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Chapter 4: The Warriors Ceremony
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Chapter 5: ATTACK!
Spoiler:

I hope you enjoyed my fanfic! It is now over! But there will be a sequel! Black Blood: The Rise And Viper is writing Black Blood: The Next Generation I'm not giving anything away, just that! Very Happy

Black Blood Links:
http://www.warriorcatsforum.com/t2222-black-blood-the-rise#70533
http://www.warriorcatsforum.com/t2223-black-blood-the-next-generation


Last edited by Forestblaze on October 1st 2012, 14:14; edited 11 times in total
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Solved Re: Black Blood: How it all Began

Post by Thunderclaw September 25th 2012, 14:13

This is cool.Can't wait for chapter three.One thing though.Is Tigerstripe suppose to be Tigerpaw as a warrior?Because you don't say he became a warrior.Just wondering. Smile
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Solved Re: Black Blood: How it all Began

Post by Noxe September 25th 2012, 16:23

I know this story Very Happy the Moonsplash epic! It's wonderful! It would be better if you put dialogue on different lines because it makes it look neater, like:
"Do you promise to uphold the warrior code, and guard the clan with your life?"
"I do."

And I think the chapters are a bit short Razz
Keeep writing Very Happy
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Solved Re: Black Blood: How it all Began

Post by Shimmerpaw September 25th 2012, 16:40

I like it Forest! I agreee with Maple, Well, Keep writing indeed Forest :3
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Solved Re: Black Blood: How it all Began

Post by Redstar September 25th 2012, 16:42

Thanks guys! Wink I will edit that, and Chapter 3 is out!
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Solved Re: Black Blood: How it all Began

Post by Eaglestrike September 25th 2012, 17:44

Nice! Tigers tripe is a bit older though. She likes her older men. >:]
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Solved Re: Black Blood: How it all Began

Post by Caraway September 25th 2012, 18:15

It's got a few clichés in it, but the chapters are nicely summarized Razz

Some suggestions would be to use one tense throughout. Even though I see that most of the present tense words are actually just typos (s is next to d), things like "She was 8 moons old now, and she still hasn't grown". It sounds like you're tracking her growth and it doesn't seem to fit (this repeats twice so I assumed it wasn't a typo Razz ). It should be "She was 8 moons old now but she still hadn't grown."
Other than that, there were just some minor typos a little proof reading could fix Smile
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Solved Re: Black Blood: How it all Began

Post by Redstar September 25th 2012, 18:58

Moonsplash's Past is over! There will be a sequel though! Read the topic post to see what it's called Very Happy
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Solved Re: Black Blood: How it all Began

Post by Guest September 26th 2012, 16:27

Every chapter is kind of short, and it moves kinda quick, but it's a pretty good story. Smile Keep writing! You could add a little more detail though!
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Solved Re: Black Blood: How it all Began

Post by Redstar September 26th 2012, 16:58

It's hard to add detail to a story like this Dx And it does move quick, but I did that because nothing happens in those time periods Razz
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