Black Blood: How it all Began
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Thunderclaw
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Black Blood: How it all Began
Windclan Characters:
Prologue: What Started it All
Chapter 1: It Spreads
Chapter 2: The Apprentice Ceremony
Chapter 3: Tresspassers...?!
Chapter 4: The Warriors Ceremony
Chapter 5: ATTACK!
I hope you enjoyed my fanfic! It is now over! But there will be a sequel! Black Blood: The Rise And Viper is writing Black Blood: The Next Generation I'm not giving anything away, just that!
Black Blood Links:
http://www.warriorcatsforum.com/t2222-black-blood-the-rise#70533
http://www.warriorcatsforum.com/t2223-black-blood-the-next-generation
- Spoiler:
- Leader:
Adderstar (tom)
Deputy:
Stoneice (tom; Hailpaw, Snowpaw, and Moonpaw's father)
Medicine cat:
Guststorm (she-cat)
Warriors:
Lilypetal (she-cat)
Morningdew (she-cat; Tigerstripe's mother)
Nightflame (tom; Tigerstripe's father)
Ravenfall (tom)
Treesap (tom)
Waterstorm (tom)
Firedance (she-cat)
Silvershadow (she-cat; Hailpaw, Snowpaw, and Moonpaw's mother)
Ivyfrost (she-cat)
Tigerstripe (tom)
Hailgaze (tom; Moonsplash's brother)
Snowfall (she-cat; Moonsplash's sister)
Moonsplash (she-cat)
Apprentices:
N/A
Queens:
N/A
Kits:
N/A
Elders:
Moonfall
Prologue: What Started it All
- Spoiler:
- Moonkit and her siblings have finally opened their eyes. Moonkit ran around the nursery, excited to see everything.
"Can we go outside into camp?" she asked.
"No, we have to stay in here." Silvershadow replied sweetly.
Hailkit looked at Moonkit, and snorted, "Hey, Tiny, if you go outside, you'll get squished by a warrior!"
Moonkit was shocked by the remark, and looked down at her paws. But Silvershadow did nothing about it. She just sat there.
Snowkit taunted, "It's not like we're too small to crush you."
Now Moonkit was upset. She sat in the corner and started to cry. She stopped when Stoneice came in. She waited for her father to come up to her and play, but he looked at her in a horrible way, and started playing with Hailkit and Snowkit.
"What's wrong with me...?" Moonkit whispered, "What have I done to deserve this...?"
Chapter 1: It Spreads
- Spoiler:
- Moonkit has grown older, but not in size. She's 2 moons old now, and is allowed to play in the camp. She rolled around and played in the camp, patrols coming in and making reports, the fresh-kill pile full. Moonkit smiled, and found a was of moss. She formed it into a ball and started rolling it around. She giggled, and started growling,
"Come here, mouse!"
She pounced on it, and started batting it around again. She looked around, all the warriors staring at her. She looked at Stoneice's cold-hearted stare. He shook his head, and his patrol left. The warriors started whispering, and then Ravenfall chuckled,
"Mouse? She's as big as a mouse!"
Everyone started chuckling, and Moonkit ran into the nursery, and started crying,
"I'm never leaving this den! Never ever!"
Tigerpaw came in, and meowed,
"Hi. I don't think you're small." Moonkit's eyes lit up. Tigerpaw was 10 moons old.
"Thanks, but they're right." Moonkit muttered.
"No. They're wrong. You're not tiny. You're plenty big." Tigerpaw replied softly.
"Tigerpaw! Quit talking to the mouse and join our patrol!" Firedance spat.
"See ya."
Tigerpaw ran out of the nursery, out of camp. This is the first time Moonkit felt good about herself. She had made a friend. Someone who understands her.
Chapter 2: The Apprentice Ceremony
- Spoiler:
- The sun was rising, and Adderstar yowled,
"Let all cats able to catch a rabbit gather under the Highrock for a clan meeting!"
Moonkit cleaned herself while Hailkit and Snowkit got cleaned by Silvershadow. She nudged them up there, and Moonkit dragged her tail behind her.
"We have three kits that are ready to become apprentices. Hailkit, step foward." Hailkit did as he was told, "Do you promise to uphold the warrior code, and guard the clan with your life?"
"I do." Hailkit meowed firmly.
"Then by the powers of Starclan, I name you Hailpaw. Waterstorm, I hope you will mentor this apprentice well." Adderstar meowed.
"Hailpaw! Hailpaw! Hailpaw!" The clan chanted.
Hailpaw touched noses with Waterstorm, then Adderstar meowed,
"Snowkit, please step foward." Snowkit stepped foward, looking as calm as ever, "Do you promise to uphold the warrior code, even if it costs your life?"
"I do." she meowed calmly.
"Then by the powers of Starclan, I name you Snowpaw. Treesap, I hope you will mentor this apprentice well."
The same thing happened to Snowpaw.
"Snowpaw! Snowpaw! Snowpaw!" The clan chanted. Adderstar raised his tail for silence, then meowed,
"Moonkit! Please step foward." Moonkit stepped foward, trying to look calm, "Do you promise to uphold the warrior code, even if it costs your life?"
"I do." she meowed coolly.
"Then by the powers of Starclan, I name you Moonpaw. Tigerstripe, I hope you will mantor this apprentice well."
Moonpaw and Tigerstripe touch noses, but everyone laughed,
"Tiny! Tiny!" and "Mousey! Mousey!" But Tigerstripe whispered in her ear, "Moonpaw! Moonpaw!" Moonpaw had already fallen in love. She was in love with Tigerstripe.
Chapter 3: Tresspassers...?!
- Spoiler:
- Moonpaw was hunting with Tigerstripe. She was 8 moons old now, but she hasn't grown since she was 6 moons old. She's still the size she was when she was apprentice. She caught a bird, then Tigerstripe purred,
"Great catch! Plump bird, too!"
Moonpaw and Tigerstripe have already planned to be mates in the future. Moopaw felt proud, then stopped suddenly.
"I smell Riverclan scent!"
Tigerstripe was instantly alert. He smelled it, then meowed,
"You're right. Good job, Moonpaw! We need to report this to Adderstar. Let's go back to camp."
Tigerstripe started walking back, Moonpaw a tail-length behind him. She heard something.
"What are you doing on Riverclan territory?!"
Moonpaw spun around, then the Riverclan cat meowed,
"Why is there kit out of the nursery?"
"I'm not a kit! I'm an apprentice!"
"Well, you're the size of a mouse." the Riverclan cat laughed.
"And this is our territory, not yours!" Moonpaw spat.
"Not for long-"
"Moonpaw! Where did you go?" Tigerstripe called.
The Riverclan cat bounded away. Moonpaw was staring athim, fear in her eyes.
"What's wrong, Moonpaw?"
"Riverclan's planning an attack!"
Chapter 4: The Warriors Ceremony
- Spoiler:
- "Let all cats able to catch a rabbit gather under the Highrock for a clan meeting!"
Everyone gathered around Adderstar. Hailpaw, Snowpaw, and Moonpaw were just behind him. Hailpaw looked strong and calm. He stared at the cats around him, his sky-blue gaze showing strength. Snowpaw was calm, though her light green eyes showed excitement. Moonpaw just looked down. She could here snickers in the crowd of cats.
"We have 3 apprentices ready to become warriors. Hailpaw, step foward." Adderstar meowed.
Hailpaw took a step, looking at the clan leader firmly.
"Do you promise to uphold the warrior code, even if it costs your life?"
"I do." he said.
"Then by the powers of Starclan, I name you Hailgaze. I hope you're fantastic battle skills pay off when Riverclan invades, and if they invade." Adderstar meowed.
"Hailgaze! Hailgaze!" the clan cheered.
"Snowpaw, step foward."
Snowpaw couldn't help it. She jumped a paw step ahead, smiling.
"Do you promise to uphold the warrior code, even if it costs your life?"
"I do!" she purred.
"Then, by the powers of Starclan, I name you Snowfall. I'm proud to have such a fantastic hunter in the clan."
"Snowfall! Snowfall!" the clan cheered.
"Moonpaw, step foward." Adderstar meowed.
Moonpaw took a step foward, her head low.
"Do you promise to uphold the warrior code, even if it costs your life?"
She gazed at allt he other cats. A few left, some were laughing, and Stoneice was staring at her. She held her head low, and grumbled,
"I do."
"Then, by the powers of Starclan, I name you Moonsplash. I'm glad to have you as a warrior." Adderstar meowed.
Everyone left. They started talking and laughing. Moonsplash thought,
I'm glad to have you as a warrior? Is that all he has to say?
At that moment, Minnowstar of Riverclan burst into the clearing.
"RIVERCLAN, ATTACK!"
Chapter 5: ATTACK!
- Spoiler:
- Moonsplash bounced into action. She ran over to a warrior, and the warrior laughed,
"Kit's can't fight in battles!"
Moonsplash pounced on the cat and started raking his sides. He yowled in pain, and fleed. Snowfall was defending the medicine cat den. Guststorm was inside, just in case any cats got through Snowfall. Hailgaze was evenly matched with the Riverclan deputy. Moonsplash looked around frantically, when she saw the medicine cat behind a rock. She smiled and padded over to the medicine cat silently. She pounced and started attacking the cat. As soon as Moonsplash backed the medicine cat far enough back, she stole the herbs and ran them into Guststorm's den.
"Move!" Moonsplash meowed to Snowfall.
"I don't need to move. You're small enough to go straight past me!" Snowfall teased.
"This is not the time to tease me!" Moonsplash snapped, going past her sister.
She put down the herbs and ran back into the battle. She pounced on an apprentice, and the apprentice fled rught when she pounced on him. She soared through the camp, going from cat to cat. She looked at a cat 2 times bigger than her ran over to her. The tom pinned her down, and Tigerstripe rammed into the tom. The tom pinned him down and sliced his throat open. Every Windclan cat was shocked.
"Riverclan, get out of here!" Adderstar spat.
"Riverclan, retreat! They got what they deserved." Minnowstar yowled.
Painful yowls fulled the camp. Moonsplash started crying to death, sitting by Tigerstripe's side.
"Tigerstripe, don't leave me! Please!"
Guststorm ran into the clearing, herbs in his jaws. He sat beside Tigerstripe, and looked at his wound. Guststorm meowed sadly,
"He's lost too much blood. I can't so anything."
"NO! Tigerstripe, stay with me!" Moonsplash cried.
"Moonsplash, it's my time to go." Tigerstripe croaked, "I... I love you..."
That was it. Tigerstripe was dead. Moonsplash stopped crying. She just looked down.
That's it... the only one who loved me.. understood me... gone...
When everyone wasn't looking, she brought her head up, opened her eyes, insanity flashing though them, and she smiled.
I hope you enjoyed my fanfic! It is now over! But there will be a sequel! Black Blood: The Rise And Viper is writing Black Blood: The Next Generation I'm not giving anything away, just that!
Black Blood Links:
http://www.warriorcatsforum.com/t2222-black-blood-the-rise#70533
http://www.warriorcatsforum.com/t2223-black-blood-the-next-generation
Last edited by Forestblaze on October 1st 2012, 14:14; edited 11 times in total
Redstar- ShadowClan Leader
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Re: Black Blood: How it all Began
This is cool.Can't wait for chapter three.One thing though.Is Tigerstripe suppose to be Tigerpaw as a warrior?Because you don't say he became a warrior.Just wondering.
Thunderclaw- WindClan Warrior
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Re: Black Blood: How it all Began
I know this story the Moonsplash epic! It's wonderful! It would be better if you put dialogue on different lines because it makes it look neater, like:
"Do you promise to uphold the warrior code, and guard the clan with your life?"
"I do."
And I think the chapters are a bit short
Keeep writing
"Do you promise to uphold the warrior code, and guard the clan with your life?"
"I do."
And I think the chapters are a bit short
Keeep writing
Noxe- IceClan Warrior
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Re: Black Blood: How it all Began
I like it Forest! I agreee with Maple, Well, Keep writing indeed Forest :3
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Re: Black Blood: How it all Began
Thanks guys! I will edit that, and Chapter 3 is out!
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Re: Black Blood: How it all Began
Nice! Tigers tripe is a bit older though. She likes her older men. >:]
Eaglestrike- Loner
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Re: Black Blood: How it all Began
It's got a few clichés in it, but the chapters are nicely summarized
Some suggestions would be to use one tense throughout. Even though I see that most of the present tense words are actually just typos (s is next to d), things like "She was 8 moons old now, and she still hasn't grown". It sounds like you're tracking her growth and it doesn't seem to fit (this repeats twice so I assumed it wasn't a typo ). It should be "She was 8 moons old now but she still hadn't grown."
Other than that, there were just some minor typos a little proof reading could fix
Some suggestions would be to use one tense throughout. Even though I see that most of the present tense words are actually just typos (s is next to d), things like "She was 8 moons old now, and she still hasn't grown". It sounds like you're tracking her growth and it doesn't seem to fit (this repeats twice so I assumed it wasn't a typo ). It should be "She was 8 moons old now but she still hadn't grown."
Other than that, there were just some minor typos a little proof reading could fix
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Re: Black Blood: How it all Began
Moonsplash's Past is over! There will be a sequel though! Read the topic post to see what it's called
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Re: Black Blood: How it all Began
Every chapter is kind of short, and it moves kinda quick, but it's a pretty good story. Keep writing! You could add a little more detail though!
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Re: Black Blood: How it all Began
It's hard to add detail to a story like this Dx And it does move quick, but I did that because nothing happens in those time periods
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