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Black Cat, White Cat C4 out!

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Post by Frost July 31st 2012, 08:19

Hey everyone! Recently, I've started writing again. I hope you'll enjoy this story of mine!

Summary: It is the law that cats are not judged on their abilities but the colour of their fur. White cats presided over the rest, followed by gray, ginger, brown and black. Here is a story of a black cat who was determined to change the ways.

Chapter One
Spoiler:
Chapter Two
Spoiler:
Chapter Three
Spoiler:
Chapter Four
Spoiler:


Last edited by Phantom on November 29th 2012, 02:21; edited 5 times in total
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Post by Lunarlight July 31st 2012, 18:19

err..... is this... racist Iceclaw?
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Post by Windystorm July 31st 2012, 19:55

No, not at all, Lunar. Since when was this descriminating against skin color? There is no such thing as cat color racism. Unless, of course, you're referring to way back when black cats were killed for being demons of witchcraft?

I like this story though. It's an interesting one. Smile I'll be looking forward to more. Sorry to not have supplied a review though Chrome, i know you want one. I'm not that much of a writer so I have no experience in the subject.


Last edited by Windypaw on August 1st 2012, 05:49; edited 1 time in total
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Post by Noxe July 31st 2012, 23:45

Omg so awesome Chromey! ILOVEITILOVEITILOVEIT Razz
Ok now for officialness.
The detail in this fanfic was awesome, and the dialogue inspiring. I only saw one or two sentences where the wording could be revised to make it slightly better. I really have nothing to say, Chrome. This is amazing, and I can't wait for Chapter two!
Also I think Chapter 1 sounds kind of like a prologue because prologues are generally mysterious, foreshadowing, and all that. But maybe it's just me Razz
Keep up the great work! Thumbs Up
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Post by Caraway August 1st 2012, 09:22

this is a good story, reflecting on the social hierarchy based on skin colours, almost. it's almost like racism, i agree with that Lunarlight. it's interesting to represent the world in cat form, in a world like that where black cats are treated like slaves. i'd like to see which cats dominate in the end. Dark

as for spelling and grammar, it seems to be well edited. whenever a character says "-------" he thought, usually the he/she thought part is not in italics. that's the only thing for me. keep writing it Wink
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Post by Noxe August 1st 2012, 10:38

Well, I have seen some books where it's like, Wow, I ope this doesn't turn into a battle, she thought. I think it just depends on the author's style. Personally, I like using italics without quotations, or if I'm lazy, nothing at all just plain text Razz
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Post by Frost August 1st 2012, 10:41

This is actually about discrimination. Not writing this to offend anyone though...

I like using italics Razz Its just cool. Haha.
Well Chapter One is kinda like a prologue but I DON'T WANNA CARE ;D

C2 is up! Enjoy!

Thanks for the reviews. I liked some of them XD
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Post by Noxe August 1st 2012, 11:13

Again, awesome vivid descriptions, and a great cliffhanger at the end that makes me want to read more! I loved the metaphors you used. One thing I noticed, in some dialogue such as "Your fur..." he began slowly," What colour is it?"
There shouldn't be a space in front of "What," instead you should put the space between the comma and the quotation. Like so: he began slowly, "What colour is it?"
Also some spellings are different because you live in Singapore so you use the British spellings. But I think that's cool Very Happy
Great job! I'm so excited for Chapter 3!
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Post by Windystorm August 1st 2012, 12:13

I suspected that, but was sure you weren't trying to offend anyone. I'm slowly putting everything together XD

Anyway, great story. Thumbs Up 2
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Post by Caraway August 1st 2012, 16:29

You have a big vocabulary, and it was nice that the descriptions weren't over the top and everywhere. To me, the names were kind of cliché. The last sentence didn't really sound right; I think that was kit a word choice error. Something like "You're in so much trouble" would be too safe I guess, so maybe something like a metaphor to end of the chapter.
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Post by Frost August 1st 2012, 17:06

Haha thanks once more. You guys are GREAT FANFICTION/STORY REVIEWERS! *hands over Iceclaw cookie* Razz

I'll post C3 maybe laterrrr. Or tomorrow.

Well in Singapore we follow the British way of English. Yeah... Heehee.
Oh I read the last sentence and I agree with cheesy.
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Post by Windystorm August 1st 2012, 17:18

That's the best way. Thumbs Up

*Waiting anxiously for ch.3*
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Post by Legendflower August 2nd 2012, 01:28

Elm Street? Like the horror movie "Nightmare on Elm Street"? Awesome Bite
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Post by Sunbeam August 2nd 2012, 05:53

Nice! I really Like it!
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Post by Frost November 26th 2012, 20:27

The long-awaited chapter three is out! Razz
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Post by Sunbeam November 26th 2012, 23:29

*laughs*
Very good, Phanny! The description in the new chapter is amazing! Boy much I would improve!
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Post by Frost November 27th 2012, 08:38

Thanks! You should write a fanfiction too, Sunbeampaw! Razz Looks like the nickname kinda stucked! (By the way, your signature is cool! Its animated!)
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Post by Lunarlight November 27th 2012, 09:11

I don't have time to read the story, so I read the top part and is the "black cat who was determined to change the ways." Harriet Tubman?
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Post by Noxe November 27th 2012, 16:37

No lol it's an actual cat Lunar.
Phanny I love it! Intriguing plot and lots of good detail. Keep writing! Very Happy
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Post by Frost November 29th 2012, 02:22

Posted Chapter Four. I'm too lazy to do the italics Razz
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Post by Sunbeam November 29th 2012, 04:25

Lol, Phantom. Razz Awesome chapter! Keep up the good work!
(Write more soon... OR ELSE!!!)
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Post by Lunarlight November 29th 2012, 08:33

No, this book is about racism, and slavery. I actually haven't read it, but from the beginning it seems to be about that.
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Post by Sunbeam November 29th 2012, 08:51

EXACTLY. Shadow (The main character) is trying to end that.
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Post by Lunarlight November 29th 2012, 09:25

I hate racism, and slavery. It is awful.
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