South Star - A Warriors Fanfiction - Chapter 1!
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South Star - A Warriors Fanfiction - Chapter 1!
by Pinewhisker June 3rd 2012, 21:01
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Characters
Cloe A silky dark brown she cat with a white dash below her chin. Dark amber eyes. Loner
Wolfblade A dark grey tomcat with pale yellow eyes. RiverClan
Sweetwater A milky white she cat with ebony black paws and beautiful greyish blue eyes. ShadowClan
Pheonixfur A dark ginger tabby tomcat with pale blue eyes. ThunderClan
Palefeather A creamy tomcat with milky white toes and honey brown eyes. WindClan
Marshmallow A pretty Siamese she cat with beautiful greyish blue eyes. Kittypet
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Prologue
Chapter 1
Characters
Cloe A silky dark brown she cat with a white dash below her chin. Dark amber eyes. Loner
Wolfblade A dark grey tomcat with pale yellow eyes. RiverClan
Sweetwater A milky white she cat with ebony black paws and beautiful greyish blue eyes. ShadowClan
Pheonixfur A dark ginger tabby tomcat with pale blue eyes. ThunderClan
Palefeather A creamy tomcat with milky white toes and honey brown eyes. WindClan
Marshmallow A pretty Siamese she cat with beautiful greyish blue eyes. Kittypet
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Prologue
- Spoiler:
- The dark silhouette slowly walked across the circular road of the cul-de-sac. It hopped over the crumbling edge of the street and swiftly made it's way towards a black picket fence. The dark cat melted into the fence when it jumped. Suddenly, the fence sprouted a cat-like figure. It moved across the fence's surface until it came to a moonlight spot by the herb garden, where it became a silky brown feline. Her white dash shone like a diamond in the pale moonlight.
Suddenly the street lights sprung to life, illuminating the pale yellow house's front porch and startling the she cat. She was flattening her ruffled chest fur when a noise from the forest behind her stopped her in mid-lick. She narrowed her eyes and snorted, drawing her muzzle away from her chest. "The woods.." she began slowly. "The wind in your fur. Real grass beneath your paws.." she continued, sounding unamused. "Rubbish. That new kittypet in the brick house must have been hit in the head.."
Unlike some other young cats in the twoleg place, the forest beyond the fences did not draw her in with it's mysterious pull. The she cat turned her head quickly and looked up at the sky. She narrowed eyes and squinted, looking hard for a shooting star to wish upon. And there it was. Not one, two, nor three. Five. Then six. Before she could murmur her wish, four stars disappeared and she felt a sharp pang in her stomach. She finally got a chance to speak her wish to the stars; a purpose.
"A purpose.." a distant voice echoed, but louder. The brown cat flinched. She stayed frozen, staring at the morphing stars in the sky, creating a thin face of a cat. "It will begin with five, who will risk their lives to find the sixth. They will risk their lives yet again for the South Star but only two will remain." it spoke, mouth moving and everything. Cloe blinked with disbelief but when she snapped her eyes open, the face was gone and the sky was normal again.
Chapter 1
- Spoiler:
- Pheonixfur laid in his moss-and-fern nest, his ears erect. His head was held high as he stared at small Icewhisker. Phoenixfur's mentor was curled up in a fluffy ball facing him, and fast asleep. The she cat was beginning to get older each and every day. He sighed and shook his head. The orange tabby slowly stood, careful not to rattle the ferns below him. He bounded outside with quick, graceful leaps. He exploded out into the frosty dawn air. But it was still too early for a patrol. Pheonixfur made his way across camp, avoiding the eye of tonight's guard, Sleetfeather. He slid out the entrance and into the forest, the earthy scent reminding him of his disturbing dream. Dead, Dead, Dead... And Dead. Four cats lay on a cliff overhanging the clan territories. Two cats stood by them staring emotionlessly at the bodies.
They were possibly the murders. Blood stained all of the cats' fur too much to see any color or marking. Phoenixfur had been frozen in fear. Something about each cat had made him think of each clan. One cat had the leanness of a WindClan cat. Another had to build of a ShadowClan cat. One looked like a loner and another... reminded him of his twin sister. Phoenixfur's head shot up at the sound of the deputy's meows. Patrols were being organized. The fiery medicine cat's eyes darted around to see that he had sat down while thinking of his dream. His head was right next to the thick bark of an oak. Phoenixfur bounced up as the entrance nearby rustled.
Out came his old mother, Dappletongue, leading a patrol of six. Border patrol, Phoenixfur had guess. Those many cats would scare off any prey a tree length away. His eyes scanned the patrol. Mallowfang, Nightberry, Bluepelt... Phoenixfur nodded to the littermates as they past. Tallwhisker and Foxtail... The two had grown closer in the past moon. Phoenixfur dipped his head to the tomcat and she cat, which the returned. And Firestripe was last. The pang of his dream came back and his looked at her sorrowfully. This she cat was his sister, almost exactly identical. They were both dark ginger tabbies and had blue eyes, but Firestripe had a small moon-shaped dash on her chest. They used to spend every moment to together, but when he had been made a medicine cat apprentice, they couldn't spend that much time to together.
So instead the spent all of their free time together. Pheonixfur had even gotten permission to sleep in the apprentice's den with her. Phoenixfur sighed out loud. And now he believed his beloved sister was in danger. He had been so lost in his flashback that he had not realize Firestripe prodding him with her muzzle. The faint ringing of, "Phoenixfur...! Phoenixfur..! Pheonixfur!" soon became a loud siren blaring in his ear. The orange medicine cat jumped back and saw that the whole patrol had stopped to see what was wrong. Firestripe stood in front of them all, looking at Phoenixfur with great concern. "Pheo, what's the matter..?" she meowed in her soft tone of voice, much different from her monstrous yelling. "You were just standing there..-"
"Thinking about the herbs I need," he replied quickly, he tail quivering. His sister didn't look convinced, neither was the rest of the patrol.
"You were whispering blood.." she mewed, obviously scared for her brother. Pheonixfur straightened up and blinked. Had he really said that? He had to think of an excuse quickly..
"I was going to get some more blood flowers.. an herb." He looked around to see if they believed him and six of the seven cat nodded their heads. Firestripe still held an icy gaze.
"I've never head of that herb.." she meowed, suspicious. "And you never told me before.." Pheonixfur flicked his tail in front of her mouth.
"Me and Icewhisker just discovered in. Hiding in a bramble bush. What do ya know?" he meowed, trying to sound cheerful. Firestripe rolled her eyes and the patrol moved on. Pheonixfur then remembered that had also been growing apart these day, fighting instead of joking around, yelling instead of sharing tongues. But he knew she still loved him and that's what kept him in one piece.
Pheonixfur looked up at sky. What danger was Firestripe in? How could it be prevented? As if in answer to his silent question, a light wind blew by and whispered, "You can't prevent a danger that isn't going to come.." He spotted a faint outline of a cat flash before his eyes and then he froze. Just like in his dream, he froze and watched the other cats move on with their lives.
- Spoiler:
- Wolfblade
Last edited by Sorrelstar on July 12th 2012, 08:03; edited 5 times in total
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Re: South Star - A Warriors Fanfiction - Chapter 1!
by Frost June 5th 2012, 01:30
You should have a character called South Star xD
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Re: South Star - A Warriors Fanfiction - Chapter 1!
by Pinewhisker June 5th 2012, 04:44
Haha! No, the "South Star" already has a name cx But I might name one minor character that...
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Re: South Star - A Warriors Fanfiction - Chapter 1!
by Phoenixwing June 5th 2012, 09:38
Ooh, nice. Skeptical loner. Lol!
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Re: South Star - A Warriors Fanfiction - Chapter 1!
by Caraway June 5th 2012, 16:24
the prologue is really interesting. i like how the identity of the character isn't revealed until the last sentence. the descriptions make it easier to visualize by a lot. i notice you repeat some words in adjacent (am i even using this word right?) sentences. for example, in the beginning, the words "dark" and "fence" are used quite close together. i'm not a really good editor and i don't really know a lot about writing (cuz i don't read), so you can decide whether the feedback is reasonable. 
the South Star does sound cool though. is that the sixth cat?
the South Star does sound cool though. is that the sixth cat? 
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Re: South Star - A Warriors Fanfiction - Chapter 1!
by Caraway June 5th 2012, 16:30
be careful with one word posts. i probably seem like i'm breathing down your back. 
just giving you the heads up because others will tell you the same. be sure to read the site rules; there are a few you may not think were actually rules.
just giving you the heads up because others will tell you the same. be sure to read the site rules; there are a few you may not think were actually rules.
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Re: South Star - A Warriors Fanfiction - Chapter 1!
by Pinewhisker June 5th 2012, 20:26
Thank you for the feedback and tips c: No, Cloe isn't the sixth cat. The sixth cat comes much later.CheeseStar wrote:the prologue is really interesting. i like how the identity of the character isn't revealed until the last sentence. the descriptions make it easier to visualize by a lot. i notice you repeat some words in adjacent (am i even using this word right?) sentences. for example, in the beginning, the words "dark" and "fence" are used quite close together. i'm not a really good editor and i don't really know a lot about writing (cuz i don't read), so you can decide whether the feedback is reasonable.
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Re: South Star - A Warriors Fanfiction - Chapter 1!
by Pinewhisker June 30th 2012, 06:34
Chapter 1 up~
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