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Phantom

+18
Lunarlight
Shimmerpaw
Sunbeam
Caraway
Roguestar
Legendflower
Cheetahfur
Shrewfang
Phoenixwing
Noxe
Whiteout
FabFur
Auburnflare
Icestar
Scarlett
SkyStar
Nyx
Frost
22 posters

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Phantom - Page 6 Empty Phantom

Post by Frost September 25th 2011, 23:03

First topic message reminder :


Name: Phantom

Status:Deceased

Age: 27 moons

Rank: RiverClan Warrior, former; IceClan Warrior, former; Dark Forest Leader, former

Mentor: Shimmerfur (RiverClan), Silverhawk (Dark Forest), Fallendust (Dark Forest)

Apprentice: N/A

Well-Known Kin: Bluestar, Oakheart, Mistystar, Stonefur and whoever are their descendants

Weaknessess: Being small in size, she relies more on her agility than her strength. Not very used to climbing trees but prefers jumping. Hates showing weakness before others. She is easily influenced by her emotions, which is her greatest flaw.

Special Traits:
Good at camouflaging and is extremely hard to spot unless you look for her very closely. Ability to swim well. A fast runner. Agile and nimble. She excels in stealth and is good at blending herself with the shadows.

Family: Whiteshadow (Father), Hunter (Mother), Rogue (Sister), Coldfur (Brother), Aere (Adopted Sister)

Personality: Mysterious and unnerving. Hardly anyone knows much about her because of her lack of presence... She used to be a stubborn kitten, full of confidence. However her personality changed as she grew older. Her close friends thinks of her as a mischievous she-cat who was always up to no good. She enjoys company and is always looking forward to adventures.

Description: Blue-silver she-cat with a white-tipped tail and cold blue eyes which were inherited from her mother. She has a long tail, pale underbelly and a lean figure. Her claws are very long with incredibly sharp edges.

History:
Phantom - Page 6 Phanto10
Spoiler:

More about Phantom's Family
Spoiler:

Other Cats
Spoiler:


Special thanks to the members of WCF whom I referred to their characters sheets Wink


Last edited by Frost on June 24th 2013, 01:20; edited 97 times in total
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Post by Noxe September 16th 2012, 10:06

lololol this is why I shall take my time if I ever make a character sheet Razz
I like the name Coldfur. I thought I heard it from the series too, though. Maybe it was my imagination. hmmm...
I like the descriptions in the family!
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Post by Frost September 16th 2012, 10:14

I don't remember a Coldfur in the books XD but never mind.
Thanks :3 it was totally random and then ta-dah, its there~
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Post by Frost November 2nd 2012, 00:25

Massive Update!!

Added:

• Favourite Warrior Characters
• Well-Known Kin
• Relationship Chart
• Key

Edited:

• Name
• Age
• Rank
• Weaknesses
• Special Traits
• Feral's Name
• Feral's Special Traits
• Ending Message

I took like 10 minutes or so editing and adding all these (especially the relationship chart and the overall coding of everything) so would you all kindly read through what I added/edited? Or maybe a like if you think its good? I think I missed out quite a few of you on my relationship chart so please tell me if you want to be added! Smile
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Post by Sunbeam November 2nd 2012, 02:58

I like it! (And I liked it, if you get my meaning. Super Happy )

I like how you made some parts underlined. No mistakes that I can spot! Very good character sheet!
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Post by Lunarlight November 2nd 2012, 07:22

An admin double posting...... -.-
It's pretty good.
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Post by Frost November 2nd 2012, 09:15

Lunarlight, it's okay to double post as long as its 24 hour apart. And also, I am not an administrator on WCF :3

Edit: Did the site rules change? O.o please excuse my behavior. I'll take down my post later when I get on my computer
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Post by Lunarlight November 2nd 2012, 09:28

Well, it doesnt say you can in the rules, so maybe yes, maybe no
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Post by Birdstar November 2nd 2012, 16:26

Omg Phantom this is great! Very Happy I've always loved your pictures and everything is so neat and organized Smile (I liked your post btw and the update is flawless!!)
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Post by Caraway November 2nd 2012, 17:16

No, if the rules changed than Dragonclaw would have said so. You can double post as long as they're 24 hours apart. You won't find it in the site rules, but it's on the mod can for double posting Wink

If I'm really editing here are the mistakes I found:

Put a comma after "...easily influenced by her emotions [comma] which is her greatest flaw."

I almost feel as though your flaws and special/good traits are unbalanced. Some more flaws or less elaboration on good traits would be helpful.

"...unusual azure eyes which were inherited from her mother."

For better presentation, put the "History:" title on its own line.

In history:
"Being rejected from [a] young [age]."
"Little did she know that he [was] from the Dark Forest."
In the prophecy, put a comma and combine the first two sentences.

In Feral's description, it should be [an] average tom.

That's all I got to, so I didn't read the rest. My post would be too long if I read it all Razz Just some grammar mistakes and the other things I pointed out were opinion, so you can choose not to use those suggestions.

Close to overly descriptive, but well written. Good updates this time Thumbs Up

And to those who leave small compliments without suggestions, I bet you don't even read people's profiles and you just post Razz
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Post by Noxe November 2nd 2012, 17:18

This is so... sophisticated :3 Besides all the things CheeseStar mentioned, I can't find anything else that can be improved. It's awesome Very Happy
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Post by Frost November 3rd 2012, 06:55

Thanks guys ^~^ I have no idea what else to add. I actually enjoy creating character sheets. So it would be fun to create more random characters xD Oh well, I won't because I already have quite a few in this topic :/

I edited my topic to your likings, Chez. You're the best at these error-spotting Razz
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Post by Auburnflare November 3rd 2012, 09:50

Isn't Foxhunter what Foxleap wanted his warrior name to be when he was an apprentice? Haha

You find awesome pictures! They're all cool :O

Are you going to put a picture for Phantom?
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Post by Shimmerpaw November 3rd 2012, 11:03

(No it was Foxcatcher)

I like the history and the Reationship chart is cool since it referrs to what your cat thinks, not you as a person. :3
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Post by Guest November 3rd 2012, 14:59

Awesome updates Phan! Very Happy I should update my character sheet too, shouldn't I? ^^ Haha I'll find time to work it out maybe tomorrow or Monday. I really like the pictures you find for your characters
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Post by Caraway November 3rd 2012, 15:19

I read the rest of it today Razz

More grammar stuff x)

" She saves Whiteshadow's live one day from a harsh blizzard and from then on, the both of them develops a strong friendship."
This sentence is really weird. I'm guessing the weird tenses were just typos due to s being next to d, so that's just a small thing.

In Fallendust's little paragraph: "..with [a] white chin.."

For Silverhawk, it should be "silver-furred tom" instead of "silvery-furred".

Very deep history and well-developed characters Smile

I'm practicing my editing for our short story unit in school. Am I too picky? Razz
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Post by Frost November 11th 2012, 02:53

Well I finally had time to edit the topic to Chez's liking :3
Well, I daresay you would get full marks for your editing. I always get a "just pass" for my editing skills Razz


Last edited by Phantom on November 13th 2012, 01:13; edited 1 time in total
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Post by Sunbeam November 11th 2012, 05:32

Just wondering, why is your topic have 7.4 likes???
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Post by Frost November 11th 2012, 08:22

That's because someone disliked it once :3
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Post by Sunbeam November 11th 2012, 21:43

Dun Dun Dun...
If you ever find out, I wouldn't want to be them... Very Scared
Thanks. Smile I've already liked it. Smile
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Post by Illusion December 2nd 2012, 18:57

Wow that's really nice XD
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Post by Scarlett December 2nd 2012, 20:13

I'm the only one as "family"?
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Post by Frost December 2nd 2012, 21:43

What do you mean Snowlily? Thanks Doveshine.
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Post by Scarlett December 2nd 2012, 21:45

Yay name change. I was just noticing how confusing it was that it was listed that Aere and I are your adopted sisters and yet on the relationships chart Aere is listed as an acquaintance.
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Post by Nyx December 2nd 2012, 21:53

The explanation is right above the Relationship Chart spoiler. Razz

*This is based on my overall experience with members of the site through PMs, roleplays etc.
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Post by Frost December 2nd 2012, 21:53

Well my relationship chart is based on whatever goes on in WCF... Aere and I aren't exactly very close but I know her better than before. So the relationship chart shows how close we are Lily!! :DD I haven't forgotten you!!
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