Feather in the Sky
4 posters
Page 1 of 1
Feather in the Sky
by Russetstar April 19th 2013, 08:06
It's kind of fun to do the impossible...
Cat Name:Russetkit, Russetpaw, Russetfeather, Russetstar
Gender: She- cat
Age: 33 moons
Favorite Warriors Characters: Whitefur, Stormfur
Appearance: A sleek black cat with white paws, Russetstar is easy to miss. She has a stocky build. Russetfeather has bright pale blue eyes. Her eyes lighten with age. Her underbelly is a white, almost like a white fluffy cloud. She has a white strip wrapping around her backleg, the stripe connecting to her backpaw. Her pads on her feet are tough, from many moons of navigating and running through the pine territory known as ShadowClan.
Personality: Russetstar is arrogant. She is bold and daring. This she-cat is not afraid to try new things. Russetstar however is very friendly. She is easy to entertain, and normally Russet does not get bored because she can easily entertain herself. Russet is very, very impatient.
Special Traits: Being a sleek she-cat has its perks. She is a born ShadowClan she-cat, making her a master of stealth. Russetstar has much stamina, allowing her to run long distances without tiring.
Weaknesses: Very hydrophobic. It is one of Russet's secret fears. Russetstar cannot sprint nor is she very fast. Her pride and arrogance affects her thinking skills as well.
Family: Mother: Clover (ex leader of ShadowClan) (once Cloverstar) {Deceased}
Father: Skull (Rogue) {Unknown if alive}
Sibling: Aurorakit, Auroratail, Aurora {Alive}
History/Origins:
Russetkit:
- Spoiler:
- Russetkit's humble start, started on a snowy day, early January on the full moon. Her mother, Cloverstar was leader of ShadowClan. No one knew Cloverstar was kitting, or that her mate was an enemy rogue. She raced through the sweet smelling pine forest early that snowy morning, heading north. She stopped by a rusty fence, and gave birth to a healthy kit. Cloverstar didn't know what to do. For the next day, Cloverstar was busy at work, creating a small woven basket made from mud and pine needles, and placed the tiny kit {Russetkit} inside. She dragged the basket back to camp and claimed it was a gift from the rogues, a fine healthy kit. "What shall we name this kit?" A curious cat meowed. "By the power of StarClan, we shall name it Russetkit." Cloverstar yowled, with a gleam in her eyes.
3 MOONS LATER:
Russetkit was a mean spirited cat. She was very violent when playing games, and normally injured the kits while playing. No one ever thought she was going to be a great warrior and many scoffed at her for being rogue born. She wasn't a single bit wise at the time. One hot summer night she ran off, mad about how one of the queen's kit had told on her. There she saw her mother kitting, with a strange rogue sitting next to her, in tears. Russetkit yowled. "What are you doing to my mother!" She hissed, flexing out her claws. The rogue choked. "Are you Russetkit?" He mewed softly. Russetkit was wary, so she nodded. "I am your father, and your mother is kitting, but she is bleeding. Please go get the medicine cat!" He yowled. Russetkit was shocked. She never knew her mother was the great leader of ShadowClan! She raced to the Medicine den where she simply stated, "Cloverstar is in grave danger." The medicine cat, Russetkit ,and the deputy raced to the horrifying sight. Cloverstar dead, in a pool of blood. The newborn kit wailed. The rogue known as Skull sat sorrowfully, his head down, weeping. The deputy demanded Skull to tell what happened, and he told the story, from when Russetkit was born, to now. Russetkit had not cried once during that time. She was silent, looking at the tiny she-cat. "What is her name?" Russetkit mewed silently. The deputy shrugged. Russetkit then saw a spectacular sight. Color ribbons danced in the stars, and she heard the whisper. "We should name her Aurorakit." She stated, in a trance.
Russetpaw:
- Spoiler:
- After the horrifying discovery of her mother and her father, many were hesitant to take her as an apprentice. Russet became nicer and less violent. Russetkit became Russetpaw at 7 moons. Her mentor was Mintleaf, and like her name, she could be as sweet as can be. But when it came to training, she took no sympathy for poor Russetpaw. The apprentice was to endure strict training, to include running the borders of ShadowClan territory without stopping or to be blinded and listen for prey to strengthing her hearing. However, Russetpaw loved to train with her mentor and she would wake up in the wee hours of the morning, excited for another day. Russet could run for long periods of time, like no other apprentice, and normally she would win long distance races with the other apprentices. The she-cat would continue to keep this trait for a long time.
ONE NIGHT BEFORE BECOMING A WARRIOR:
Russet could hardly wait until being a warrior. The thoughts rushed into her head, like dancing leaves during Leaf fall. She closed her eyes finally and had a vision. She was on the highrock, giving out orders to her fellow clan-mates. She asked her clanmates "Why am I here?! I am just a warrior!" A she-cat responded "You are Russetstar. You are our leader." This she-cat was Cloverstar. Russetpaw woke up in a startle. Little did she know, this was a message from StarClan.
Russetfeather {Warrior}
- Spoiler:
- Russetpaw became the beautiful Russetfeather, the feather representing her bravery. She was a well respected warrior. Russet, had a strange knack at hunting frogs, a unique ShadowClan prey. Russetfeather was a popular warrior, and she was normally chosen for night patrol. One day the deputy got sick, so she was asked to sub for the deputy for a day. Many warriors loved her as temporary deputy. There was one warrior in particular, that adored Russetfeather, and she was the apple of his eye. Russetfeather could not feel any romance (horrfiying kithood),so she rejected him.
This section is a WIP
Russetfeather {Deputy}
- Spoiler:
- When Icestar appointed Russetfeather deputy, Russetfeather was shocked. She was not clan born, let alone she was born to the enemy. The she-cat was very ahead of everything, and she planned patrols days before. Russetfeather stressed that she'd be a good deputy, after all she was reprsenting her clan. Many times, she would attend the patrols stating that "Being a deputy is no excuse for being lazy."
TWO DAYS BEFORE BECOMING LEADER:
Russetfeather felt something different in the air. Everything felt new. Visions of her leading her clan haunted her, clouding her thought. "What is StarClan trying to say?" She thought, as she went to sleep. She dozed off,and heard many cats speak in unison, "Russetstar, Russetstar, Russetstar!" The very thing that named her sister, the aurora of colors danced in her mind. She felt the cold breeze sing a song, a song she knew no lyrics too. She smelled the sweet pine forest and felt the pricke of the pine needles. It was a dream she'd never forget.
This Section is a WIP!!
Leader coming out soon!
Last edited by Russetstar on March 15th 2014, 09:13; edited 15 times in total (Reason for editing : 3/14 Major Edit!)
Russetstar- ShadowClan Warrior
- Custom Rank : no.
WarriorPoints : 7087
Posts : 651
Reputation : 198
Warrior Information
Attack Power : 75,000
Re: Feather in the Sky
by Illusion April 19th 2013, 23:29
Very nice! Maybe the personality could be a little less "perfect", like maybe add "a small pinch of bitterness?"
I like your history, but I think it could be a little more descriptive and long, like maybe you should describe how well Leopardkit got along with her siblings.
Overall, I love it!
I like your history, but I think it could be a little more descriptive and long, like maybe you should describe how well Leopardkit got along with her siblings.
Overall, I love it!
Illusion- Loner
- Custom Rank : the only L i take
WarriorPoints : 9620
Posts : 1128
Reputation : 763
Warrior Information
Attack Power : 50,000
Re: Feather in the Sky
by Caraway April 20th 2013, 18:28
It's a good first draft, and I think the order of stuff flows quite nicely.
My only concern would be your description because it's very choppy.
I would cut out some stuff since they belong in other categories already.
I don't really understand the feeling-mouse-from-far-away thing. Just write tht her senses are sharp. I also suggest you elaborate on "useful paws".
A personal adjustment I'd make would be to edit the fact that she's incredibly fast and add in "...but not as fast as an average WindClan cat." because I know some people have dislikes of "stealing qualities".
Other than that, I think it's great
Add some pictures soon c:
My only concern would be your description because it's very choppy.
Appearance: A tawny brown cat with warm amber eyes. She is built for open-combat. Her lean strong legs allow her to run for quite sometime. She has short claws, but that doesn't bother her. Who needs claws when you have sharp teeth? She is one of the most fast runners in ThunderClan. Coming from SkyClan, she climb trees pretty well. She has long whiskers. Her paws are really useful. She can feel a mouse move fox-lengths away.
I would cut out some stuff since they belong in other categories already.
Appearance: A tawny brown cat with warm amber eyes. She has short claws, but that doesn't bother her. Who needs claws when you have sharp teeth? She has long whiskers. Her paws are really useful.
I don't really understand the feeling-mouse-from-far-away thing. Just write tht her senses are sharp. I also suggest you elaborate on "useful paws".
A personal adjustment I'd make would be to edit the fact that she's incredibly fast and add in "...but not as fast as an average WindClan cat." because I know some people have dislikes of "stealing qualities".
Other than that, I think it's great
Add some pictures soon c:
Caraway- Global Moderator
- Custom Rank : Behind the Mask
WarriorPoints : 34017
Posts : 5555
Reputation : 7905
Warrior Information
Attack Power : 150,000
Re: Feather in the Sky
by Scarlett April 21st 2013, 10:44
Leopardwing wrote:History/Origins: Leopardwing's father was an enemy rogue. Her mother was former deputy. She is proud of her heritage still. Leopardwing's mother was exiled of of ThunderClan when she tried to save Leopardwing's father. Both of them died in a dog attack later, leaving Leopardkit and her two siblings alone. Leopardkit soon became Leopardpaw. A couple moons later, both of her siblings died in an all out rogue attack. She began to feel empty. Before that happened, she was cold, but after all that happened to her, she became more kind and friendly.
I noticed Cheesestar didn't say anything about the flow in this part. It's vary vague which would be fine except it doesn't flow right. With history you should literally go from beginning to end. You don't want to add things in there like "before that happened" or "after all that happened". It makes it very difficult to understand. Before what happened? And in your case that one made sense because your history is so short to begin with but that is still something to be heavily avoided. Just make sure that when you write a history that everything is in the correct order. You don't want people to have to go back and forth in your history trying to figure out what "before all that" is.
And suddenly after her parents and siblings death she goes from being cold to feeling empty to suddenly becoming kind and friendly? I think you should elaborate on that because those experiences without any positive news don't sound like they would make someone friendly. Especially if they started out being a very cold cat. Just a suggestion there.
And there's a grammar error in sentence 3 of your history also. Just a minor thing but you said, "Leopardwing's mother was exiled of of ThunderClan when she tried to save Leopardwing's father". I assumed you meant "out of" so that's how. Read it but I though it might help if you knew where to look for the error. Anyway its a good start
Scarlett- IceClan Leader
- Custom Rank : The Immortal
WarriorPoints : 433709
Posts : 3168
Reputation : 15599
Warrior Information
Attack Power : 300,000
Similar topicsPage 1 of 1
Permissions in this forum:
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
