Honeyleaf and Riverlilly

Honeyleaf
Description: She is a golden tabby, with peircing blue eyes. She is a rather small cat. She has a white muzzle, and a little bit of white on her tail. She is very agile, and very quick and hard to catch, she is very strong for her size, thanks ti DF training.

Faimly: Mother: Frostbeam (Deseased) Father: Duskrock (Deseased) Sister: Dawnstorm (Windclan)

History Honeyleaf was born a rouge. Her mother or who she thought was her mother was named Red. She named Honeyleaf, Birch. Honeyleaf was raised as Birch. Her father left his clan to be with her. Duskrock became just Rock. Rock fell in love with Red. Honeyleaf never knew Rock was her father, he never told her. One day Honeyleaf came across her mother at the border. Her mother had never wanted kits, so she gave Honeyleaf away. Frostbeam became bitter when she gave Honeyleaf away. She regretted it so when she met Honeyleaf at the border or Birch as she was called, she told her what the truth was. The last thing her mother told her was "Your name is Honeyleaf. Your name was Honeykit when I left you. Your warrior name would be Honeyleaf..." Honeyleaf was so enraged that she killed her mother. She regretted right after it was done. She changed her name to Honeyleaf to remember her mother. She went back to her step-mother and real father and killed both of them. She enjoyed watching the life seep out of them, she belived they deserved it after all they had done too her. Something inside Honeyleaf had changed, no more did she enjoy life, no more did she feel emotions. The real Honeyleaf died with her mother. Honeyleaf became the twisted dark cat she is now, because of one descion. Honeyleaf is a dark forest cat, because of her mothers descion to give her away.

Personality: She tries to tell herself that she is a true DF cat. She knows in her heart that its a lie. Since she killed her parents and stepmother she has recovered. She is the same Honeyleaf as she was before she killed her mother. Honeyleaf wants to change the past, but wont admit it to herself. Her best friends Dawnstorm, and Wintershadow know about her loner mate, Steampelt is going to join WC though. Dawnstorm is Honeyleaf's sister, although it is unknown to either of them right now.

Strengths: She is very good at fighting, she is very fast too. She also is very persuasive.

Weaknesses She is not the best at hunting. She can hunt fine, she just prefers to fight or run, so she dosen't have a lot of practice at hunting, making it her worst subject. She also is very stubborn, that causes her to sometimes not be open minded. When she wants something, she will do ANYTHING to get it, this causes relationship problems with other cats sometimes.

Honey's mother, Frostbeam.

Spoiler:

Honey's father, Duskrock

Spoiler:

Honey's stepmother, Red

Spoiler:

Honeyleafs adopted sister, DawnStorm

Spoiler:

Honeyleaf as a kit

Spoiler:

Honeyleaf as an apprentice

Spoiler:

Honeyleaf as a warrior

Spoiler:

Riverlilly

Description:Riverlilly is a totally white she-cat. She has gentle green eyes. Her fur is very thick.

History: Riverlilly was orignally a RiverClan cat. She was born in the water, she almost drowned, because when she was born she started floating away in the river, a Windclan cat saved her. She became afraid of the water and refused to swim. She felt unliked in Riverclan, because of her lack of ablitiy to swim, so she ran away to Windclan. She joined Winclan and made many friends. Her best friends are Dawnstorm and Honeyleaf.

Personality: Riverlilly is a kind, good natured cat. She loves to run, and to hunt. She has a great sense of humor, and is known for her ablitiy to cheer cats up. She loves her clan, and will protect it with her life.

Strengths: Riverlilly is a great hunter. She always catchs something, even in leafbare. She is very fast, almost as fast as Honeyleaf.

Weaknesses: Riverlilly isin't very strong. She has never been very good at fighting. She can fight if nessacary, but prefers helping her clan in other ways.

Family: Mother: Fernwater Father: Mudriver Sister: Fogpool



Mother (Fernwater)

Spoiler:

Father (Mudriver)

Spoiler:

Sister (Fogpool)

Spoiler:

Riverlilly (kit)

Spoiler:

Riverlilly (apprentice)

Spoiler:

Riverlilly (warrior)

Spoiler:

I like the history! You should add strengths, weaknesses, and personality soon!

Thank you! I will ASAP

If you need any inspiration, you can check out other people's character sheets too. Nice start so far, although maybe you could add more details in your history. You also have several misspelled words in there, such as:


Descrition (should be Description)

Faimly (should be Family)

Rouge (should be rogue. Rouge is a shade of red. )

Good start, Honeyleaf. Just with some mistakes here and there. You could always refer to the other member's character sheets for reference

LOVE IT! You should add strength, weaknesses, etc. etc. Otherwise, it's very original and creative

Nice history Except there was one sentence that I thought you should fix quickly, if it was a mistake:
" She enjoyed watching the life seep out of them, she belived they deserved it after all she had done too them."
Was it supposed to be what they had done to her, or was it your intent? O:

You used a few commas where they shouldn't be. Reading things over aloud will help fix any awkward sentences and/or typos.

Even though I personally prefer simple descriptions, I think some more detail could be added, since you have just one sentence.

It's a good start and you seem to take advice well. Keep writing

Like Cheese said, you could add some things to your description.
What color are her paws and muzzle? Is she large or small? Does she look intimidating, or normal?
Other than that and what Cheese said, it's overall a good character sheet. Add more soon!

Thanks for the advice everyone!! I edited it! Please tell me what you think now! I put a lot of time into it!!!! Sorry for all the pics, I just figured out how to add them and went a little crazy with them! I tried to add all the suggestions, but if I missed one or if you have a new one please tell! I would really appreiciate any feedback!

wow, your kit version was very cute.

Thank you! I had to look for about 15 minutes before I found that!

The pictures are awesome You should try different sentence starters or incorporate more conjunction words like and, but, though, however into some places.
Also, instead of writing "Honeyleaf as a kit" or something, you can just write "Honeykit" or "Birch (Honeykit)". It'll look cleaner

You used the advice very well. Keep it up

I like the pictures too Honeyleaf.

I found another typo in your history at, "Your name is Honeyleaf. Your name was Honeykit when I left you. Yosheur warrior name would be Honeyleaf..." I'm not quite sure what "yosheur" is supposed to mean lol.

It would help if you proofread your writing every time after you finished. It'd reduce quite a bit of mistakes. ^-^

Yeah, I like Lily's, too, Honey! You did good!

Thanks! I will now work on the typo's and grammatical errors! (Sorry, my worst subject is ELA, and I can NEVER remember all the correct puncuation, and conjuction, and prepistions, and I suck at spelling1)

Very interesting character sheet! Nice pictures Aside from the grammar/spelling errors, I'd suggest rewording some parts of the history or adding in details to make it more appealing. All in all, great work