The Forever Battle (Chapter 4 up)
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The Forever Battle (Chapter 4 up)
Hey! I wanted to make a Fan-Fic of the on-going rivalry of RiverClan and Thunderclan, In my own speacial way, This is my first Fan-Fic and I will post it little by little. Enjoy!
- Chapter 1:
- It was dark, the moon was full and a dark figure stared upward, as if seeking for the spirits in the sky. Everything was still then there was a flicker of movement.
“Mouse Dung!” a voice screeched.
The figure groaned “Great StarClan Mossclaw, how many times do I have to tell you not to interrupt my thoughts!”
“Sorry, Flameleap. I just tripped on a root.” Mossclaw mumbled under her breath “And you have the ears of a hawk.”
Flameleap rolled his eyes “Mossclaw, just get back to camp.” Flameleap mewed and watched the smal she-cat run into the forest, on her way back to camp.
Flameleap woke the next morning in his den he stretched and yawned, then padded into the cave where he kept his herbs.
“Can I help?” a voice cut off Flameleap’s thoughts.
“Yes, Ivypaw, you can get out of my way.” he mewed to his apprentice.
“Sorry, Flameleap.” Ivypaw mumbled and padded back to her nest.
…
Charflame padded out into the clearing “Streamstar!” he called, waiting for his sister to come out from her den.
“Yes, Charflame?” she asked him nicely.”What is it?”
“i wanted to know if you wanted me to set the Dawn Patrol now?” He mewed.
“Of course. I want you to lead it, there has been tension on the ThunderClan border. Stormstar has been getting his warriors close to our river.” she mewed.
“Anything to help the Clan Streamstar.” He mewed in return. He turned to the warriors den and poked his head inside “Riverlight, Thrushwing.”
“Wha....?” Riverlght poke up her head “Dawn Patrol?” she answered her own question and prodded the tom beside her.
“Meet me at the entrance.” he mewed.
“Okay!” Thrushwing nodded once he awoke.
Once the two warriors approached him he led the two cats out of camp. They neared the ThunderClan border when Thrushwing picked up a funky scent .
“ThunderClan!” Charflame growled, his lip drawn back in a snarl “What are you doing on RiverClan territory?” He snarled.
“Well, we were taking what you don’t need.” the largest ThunderClan tom, Cloudstreak, mewed.
“Our prey?” Riverlight snarled flicking her tail toward a half-eaten thrush. “Breaking the code three times!” she exclaimed.
“ThunderClan attack!” Cloudstreak yowled and leaped onto Charflame.
Oh, no!
- Chapter 2:
- Charflame wrestled with the ThunderClan deputy “Riverlight! Go get help!” He mewed between gasps. The she-cat nodded and raced in the direction of camp. Cloudstreak flicked his tail, and a few more warriors raced from the barrier of bracken.
Cloustreak let go and watched Charflame wriggle, he hopped up and raced for the water “Should we follow them?” he heard one warrior say.
“No, they didn’t retreat, so we fight.” Cloudstreak’s deep mew sounded before he heard thier paws trudging over to the river.
Charpaw yowled and started splashing vigorously and then the ThunderClan cats’ gazes swept over the water “Retreat, ThunderClan! Retreat!” Cloudstreak yowled and ran from RiverClan territory.
Ravenlight showed up with a patrol and her ears pricked “Where are they?” she asked.
“We bought them toward the water, and those Squirrel-Hearts where out of here in no time!” came Thrushwing’s excited mew.
All of the cats padded homw to a ruffled Clan.
“What happened?’
“Did you kill any cats?”
“How many ThunderClan cats were there?’
the mews rushed on top of the cats like the river in their territory.
Charflame raised his nose and mewed “Everyone is safe, only a few scratches.” He mewed proudly.
…
Flameleap peeked out of his den and saw the Dawn Patrol returning they all looked tired and scratched. He sighed and grabbed his marigold and plastered it on the wounds of the returning cats.
“I can’t belive they cheated like that!” Cloudstreak’s mew sounded from the clearing.
“How did they cheat?” Flameleap asked nicley.
“They drove us toward the water!”
“That’s not cheating, they were defending their territory, it’s what the Clans do.”
“Who’s side are you on, Flameleap!”
“ThunderClan’s of course, but I’m a medicine cat, I’ll ask Willowpool about it tonight.”
“Fine.” Cloudstreak strode off to show off his wounds as the Clan got settled after the battle, Flameleap wondered,
What do StarClan say about these battles?
- Chapter 3:
- Flameleap left the camp with his apprentice behind him, she was ready to receive her full medicine cat name. When they reached the Meeting Place, he was greeted by Kestrelpaw, and his mentor Elmwind, then the ShadowClan medicine cat Barkleaf and then Willowpool and Grasspaw.
“Welcome, Willowpool.” Flameleap greeted her.
“Flameleap, don’t let the Clan rivalry get to you.” then she turned to her nephew “Grasspaw, don’t look at Ivypaw like that!” she scolded. “Let’s get going.”
Elmwind dipped her head and followed Willowpool. Flameleap followed Elmbreeze and thye apprentices trailed behind Barkleaf.
When they arrived at MoonPool Flameleap raised his voice slightly “Before we share dreams with StarClan, I wish to give Ivypaw her full Clan name.”
“Already! Thank you, Flameleap!” Ivypaw mewed.
“I, Flamelep, medicine cat of ThunderClan call upon my warrior ancestors to look down this apprentice. She has trained hard to understand the way of a medicine cat, and with your help she will serve for many moons.”
Ivypaw shivered with excitement as Flameleap called the warrior ancestors so she could become a fully named medicine cat like himself.
“Ivypaw, do you promise to uphold the ways of a medicine cat to stand apart from rivalry between Clan and Clan, to protect all cats equally, even at the cost of your life?”
“I do.” Ivypaw mewed quietly bareley a whisper, Flameleap could tell that she was more excited than she was letting on.
“Then by the powers of StarClan I give you your true name as medicine cat. Ivypaw, from this moment you will be known as Ivyshine. StarClan honors your compassion and quick learning. May you use them to serve your Clan for endless moons.”
“Ivyshine! Ivyshine!” the cats gathered around MoonPool chanted the apprentices new name.
“Congragulations, Ivyshine!” Elmwind called.
Enjoy meeting StarClan tonight, Ivyshine.
- Chapter 4:
Flameleap woke from his doze by the starry pool and swept his gaze around the other side as the other medicine cats woke from their meetings with StarClan.
“Hi, Flameleap!”
“AH! Oh, hello Ivyshine.” He mewed to the cat standing beside him.
“How was your dream Flameleap?”
“Nothing new.”
“We should get back to camp.”
“Yes, Cloudstreak is sure to wonder where we are.”
The two cats padded home carefully through the forest and when they entered camp the first cat to approach him was Cloudstreak.
“What did you learn from Willowpool?’ He boomed.
“Nothing. She said that I could trust her, Cloudstreak, I don’t follow all the same rules as you, I will ask her at the next Gathering.” He mewed, trying to calm the tom.
“This is unacceptable! You should have found out tonight you bee-brain!”
“Cloudstreak, calm down.” A new voice joined the two bickering cats’.
“Stormstar.” Cloudstreak dipped his head to the leader.
“Cloudstreak, Flameleap doesn’t need to find everything out and we don't pressure him to do so.” He mewed.
“B- but, Stormstar, he said he would find out for us!” the white tom whined.
“It’s final. Cloudstreak.” The leader stalked off and when Cloudstreak began to speak Flameleap slapped his tail over his mouth and left.
…
Charflame leaped down from his perch and let the sun of the warm greenleaf beat down on his fur.
“Charflame, have you set the patrols yet?” His leader’s mew sounded behind him.
“Yes, the Dawn Patrol just left.” he answered.
“Led by whom?”
“Hailstream.” He answered “He brought Yarrowpaw and Fishleap.”
“Only three cats?”
“Yes, why?”
“Remember! You were attacked by four ThunderClan cats and sent one cat away to get help!”
“Yes, I know.”
“The tension is high Charflame! More cats have to go!”
“Future reference, Streamstar.”
“Fine!”
Charflame shook his fur as he stood up to the Dawn Patrol breaking through the thorn tunnel, carrying an unfamiiliar scen with them. ThunderClan! The realization hit the black cat with such force, he thought he would topple over.
One of the elders broke into the clearing, Brokenleves.
“Hey! What’s with all the rucuss? Can’t a cat get a good nights sleep?” she mewed.
“What are those ThunderC;an warriors doing with you?” the deputy commanded, ignoring the grumpy elder’s complaint.
HAilstream shivered, “We found them on our territory.” he mewed.
“Raise your head.”
Hailstream’s head jerked up and he was staring into Charflame’s eyes. He turned his icy blue h=gaze to the ThunderClan cats. “Why are you here?” he snarled.
“W-we want to speak with Streamstar.” The smallest cat, Smallstrike, mewed.
“What? You think you can come to our camp, useless warriors and speak with Streamstar?”
“We’re not all usless warriors.”
Last edited by Sparkpaw on October 26th 2012, 15:48; edited 4 times in total
Shimmerpaw- ThunderClan Warrior
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Re: The Forever Battle (Chapter 4 up)
Awesome story Sparkpaw! It sounds like the Erins wrote it There are a couple of things I'd like to suggest. You could space the paragraphs less because putting too many spaces makes it really long. And I noticed in the dialogue you used, the punctuation isn't correct. For example:
The figure groaned “Great StarClan Mossclaw, how many times do I have to tell you not to interrupt my thoughts!”
should be "groaned, "Great..."" or "groaned. "Great...""
Other than that, it's awesome. Keep writing!
And more fanfics for me to review too
The figure groaned “Great StarClan Mossclaw, how many times do I have to tell you not to interrupt my thoughts!”
should be "groaned, "Great..."" or "groaned. "Great...""
Other than that, it's awesome. Keep writing!
And more fanfics for me to review too
Noxe- IceClan Warrior
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Re: The Forever Battle (Chapter 4 up)
It's a developing plot Eill it be several chapters? It will need a larger climax to make it any lengthier than a few chapters.
I just saw some little mistakes like typos, wrong punctuation, capitals and such. Try not to use a lot of commas and just start new sentences. It sounds smoother. Something that bugged me was how the dialogue was written. When you're done speaking, it should be a comma instead of a period.
For example: “Well, we were taking what you don’t need.” the largest ThunderClan tom, Cloudstreak, mewed.
It should be: "Well, we were taking what you don't need," the largest ThunderClan tom, Cloudstreak, mewed.
Also, even if you do need to start a new line with every piece of dialogue, you don't need a line between them.
Keep writing
I just saw some little mistakes like typos, wrong punctuation, capitals and such. Try not to use a lot of commas and just start new sentences. It sounds smoother. Something that bugged me was how the dialogue was written. When you're done speaking, it should be a comma instead of a period.
For example: “Well, we were taking what you don’t need.” the largest ThunderClan tom, Cloudstreak, mewed.
It should be: "Well, we were taking what you don't need," the largest ThunderClan tom, Cloudstreak, mewed.
Also, even if you do need to start a new line with every piece of dialogue, you don't need a line between them.
Keep writing
Caraway- Global Moderator
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Re: The Forever Battle (Chapter 4 up)
Thank you Cheese, oh yeah, this is just the beginng! There will be a lot more. Thank you Maple! I'm using Google Docs. so, I'm just getting used to the software and what not, thank you for the reviews!
Shimmerpaw- ThunderClan Warrior
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Re: The Forever Battle (Chapter 4 up)
HI! I added Chapter 4 so, enjoy! ALSO! This is on Google Docs, so if you want me to share it with you, I will. Anyway, um, bye!
Shimmerpaw- ThunderClan Warrior
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