Crystalfeather of ShadowClan

Name: Crystalfeather

Nickname: Crystal

Gender: She-cat

Age: 20 moons

Clan: ShadowClan

Rank: Warrior

Mate: N/A

Family: Moon (Mother, deceased), Fox (Father, deceased)

Mentor: Blazepond

Apprentice(s): N/A

Appearance: Crystalfeather is a beautiful silver tabby she-cat with bright blue eyes. Her paws and underbelly are white, and her tabby marks are dark gray. She is lithe and relatively small.

Personality: Crystalfeather is kind and caring. She really cares about her family and friends, and, almost always, is only sad when they are, which is why she was so devastated when her parents died. She also tries her best to be cheerful and optimistic, even at the worst of times, and is very selfless, always giving up they best piece of fresh-kill to the elders and willing to play with the kits. However, Crystalfeather can be very impatient when she’s excited. She lacks self-confidence as well and is not a good leader.

Strengths: Crystalfeather's main strength is her brains. She is very smart, and loves to learn and strategize. However, she's also good at hunting; she has strong legs, back legs especially, for pouncing on prey and is good at stalking.

Weaknesses: Despite her strong legs, Crystalfeather is not a good runner. She is good at sprinting but is terrible at long-distance running. Crystalfeather is not a good fighter, and also lacks self-confidence and, though she is smart and normally right, doubts herself a lot. She is also not a leader because she is always afraid of being wrong.

History: Crystalfeather was born from a family of loners. Her father, Fox, was killed by a monster on the Thunderpath when she was just a kit. Later, her mother Moon died of a dog attack on the moor, near WindClan territory. Crystalfeather, who was still called Crystal back then, was only apprentice age. After her mother died, the dog was still chasing Crystal(feather). Luckily, Frostbite, who was on patrol, chased the dog away and saved Crystal. Frostbite wanted to take her to camp, but the warriors who were on patrol with her objected. However, before leaving her, Frostbite told her to go to SkyClan, because she knew Sunburn and was sure Sunburn could take care of her. Crystal(feather) went to SkyClan, but by the time she got there, she was starving, and was not used to jumping and catching squirrels- her instincts were to crouch and stalk, which was what her parents taught her. Sunburn was hunting and stumbled across her. She was about to leave Crystal(feather), but couldn't stand the thought of leaving an apprentice-age cat alone and starving, and gave her the squirrel she had caught, even though it was against the warrior code. Observing the fact that she was better suited to a life in ShadowClan or ThunderClan, Sunburn gave her the directions to ShadowClan. After such a long time on the run, Crystal(feather) was very relieved when ShadowClan finally took her in, and, though many cats in ShadowClan disrespected her because of her lineage, became Crystalpaw and then a warrior, Crystalfeather. During her first Gathering as an apprentice, she noticed Frostbite and Sunburn and since then has been very good friends with the cats that had saved her.

It sounds like you put some thought into these details I'd like to hear more about the "somewhere along the line she met Frostbite and Sunburn" since they're really close. Great start

Thank you Yeah, I'll talk to Sunburn about that to get some ideas on how they met. Thanks for the advice

I like it ^^


But yeah, we can chat over pm on how they met and stuff c:

It's a good start! I like it c: Keep up the good work   

It looks good so far but you did list mate on their twice. You should probably take one of those off. It might also look more organized is you list the shorter answers first and then move to the more detailed ones.

I like it so far but you could elaborate more on the history. You explained a bit until she is apprentice age and then its "Oh she becomes Crystalfeather and lives with Shadowclan" Like there isn't really more to her story right now. I might work on evening out the history a bit so that it focuses as much o her being a warrior as it did her being a kit and apprentice. Otherwise it is a good start though I also agree with what Rosepaw said about reformatting it a little bit.

Crystal, remember what we discussed at school?

Crystal was a loner born to Moon and I forgot the other name, and she was saved by Frostbite, and then other WindClan warriors said she wasn't allowed even though Frostbite protested. Then she went to SkyClan, met Sunburn, blah blah blah, then left and went to ShadowClan and became Crystalfeathet

That was the short and simple version

I know, Sunburn Patience young Padawan. I'm about to do it. I'll also reformat it.