Companions: The Dragon Garden

For generations the feral cats of Lakshmi Valley have made The Forgotten City their home, living in reasonable peace, protection and prosperity. For young Siamese cat Namrah-vapi (Tigresspool), something outside the valley is tugging at her soul. Believing it is the legendary 'Dragon Garden', she sets off to find it, along with her four best friends; Liu otter, Han-ling a long-tailed Macaque, Ren Ten Jin the rat, Porcupine Duri-Mu. As the five journey beyond Lakshmi Valley, they soon find themselves in a completely different world from their own.

Prologue:

Spoiler:

It's good so far. I might personally add a bit more detail to it and the part where it says "something outside the valley yearns inside her" may need rephrasing. That word "inside' doesn't seem to fit. To me it sounds like a contradiction only because you used the word outside in the same sentence. It sounds interesting so far.

I cant read it, I'm on the phone.

Prologue:
SPOILER:
Sun-high in Lakshmi Valley, being the hottest point of the day, was usually a time of rest and keeping cool. It was still the Rainy Season, but the clouds had strangely stopped five days ago. All the animals had to adjust themselves to the sudden surge of heat and sunlight. For the cats of the Forgotten City, they had things better off
“Mama, can we go out now?” a little white kitten mewed to her mother. “For the fiftieth time I am ready!”
“And for the fiftieth and Final time Namrah,” her mother replied softly but firmly. “Not yet. The Sun is still too hot





That is what it says inside the spoiler.

The prologue looks unfinished... And Snowlily, you're right about the grammar.
It sounds like and interesting plot, though

Thanks. I really like the overall plot. I just think that to me parts could have been elaborated on a bit to make things a bit more clear to the reader. I'm excited to see how the story developes though Honeystar. Good luck.

Me too, and good luck Honeystar!
It could be "Something outside the valley tugs at her soul."

Ooooh that sounds better. Thanks Maple!!
Hopefully I'll complete the prologue. Could use some help straightening out my thoughts though.

I told you that I am here to help if you need it.

Thanks Snow. Want me to lay out the plot for you here or on the chatbox?

Here is fine so I can find it later.

So this is the over-all plot for the prologue:

Lakshmi Valley is experiencing its fifth strangely hot sunny day during the Rainy Season. Namrah has finally opened her eyes and wants to go out and see everything. Her mother [Mantis-crouch] tells her its too hot to leave the Cooling-chamber they are using as a nursery. After waiting for everyone to fall asleep, Namrah decides to explore on her own. Finding out her mother was right, but not wanting to go back, she seeks someplace to cool off. Coming upon a sparkling pool, she walks over to wet her paws. Mesmerized by the light rippling along the water, she does not realize she is losing her footing until it's too late and falls in. Opening her eyes, she has a vision of being in a Underwater-Wonder-World of colourful fish and coral reefs. When the vision ends, she finds out that she had almost drowned, had it not been for Chaing Boda [the wise old bull elephant who lives in the Forbidden City]. Namrah gets scolded and smothered by Mantis-crouch and Owl-gaze [her father], while she tries to tell them about the place she had seen while in the water.

So... What exactly do you need help on?

I guess I just needed to share my thoughts and now expand them into more detail. I would like to do it by June 1st [for a contest I'm in], but might not seem possible.

Thanks for the help, Snow! :3

Is that the WildFest in Forum of Wolves? And no offense, but that's a lot of work if you want to finish it by june...
Just some thoughts: "But Mother, I want to see the world!" Namrah protested, eyes wide and pleading. " But Mantis-crouch shook her head. "Go to sleep, little one, she said gently, purring and smoothing Namrah's fur.

Thanks for the advice, and no it's for this 'So you think you have what it takes to be published' contest on the Erin's site.

Fang wrote:Thanks for the help, Snow! :3

No problem. I figured that was what you were looking for. Glad I could help.

Very nice, Honeystar! You have a great imagination!

You're doing really well so far. Can't wait to keep reading but good luck with the deadline. That will be a tough one to make.

Yeah, it's awesome! Can't wait for more, and I would like to help too.