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Day and Night

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Day and Night Empty Day and Night

Post by Streamstar December 10th 2011, 15:48

Prologue:
Spoiler:

Chapter 1:
Spoiler:

Chapter 2:
Spoiler:

Chapter 3:
Spoiler:


Last edited by Streamfur on January 7th 2012, 16:03; edited 4 times in total
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Day and Night Empty Re: Day and Night

Post by Pinewhisker December 10th 2011, 17:49

Very creative! Keep writing!
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Day and Night Empty Re: Day and Night

Post by Moon December 10th 2011, 18:20

This sounds great so far-I'd like to see more! ^^
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Day and Night Empty Re: Day and Night

Post by Streamstar December 11th 2011, 14:39

Day blinked open her eyes. She had suddenly felt power flowing through her, almost to much to handel. She looked around next and saw her sister, Night, blinking open her eyes as well. "Hi Night!" the little white kit mewed cheerfully to her sister. Night glared at her and hissed and Day took a step back. "Night, are you okay? Whats wrong?" Suddenly, Night sprang onto Day and Day pushed her off with her hindlegs. A starry cat appeared in front of her and meowed, "Run Day! Run!" and Day took off with out looking back, not knowing why she felt so close to the strange cat. As she began to cross the moorland, she wanted to stop, but it felt like something was telling her to continue. Once she left the moorland, she stopped and sat down behind a bush. She peeked out from behind it to find a patrol of cats stopping and sniffing around at the edge of the moorland. "At smells like a cat just ran by here, Breezepelt." one of them meowed. "Keep looking for it" the one that Day thought was Breezepelt growled. When no one was looking at her hiding spot, Day ran off farther into the woods. Soon, Day's tiny kit legs couldn't carry her any further, and Day plopped onto a clump of moss and fell asleep. She opened her eyes and saw a beautiful meadow and saw the starry cat from before. "Hello, little one." she meowed, "I am Spottedleaf."
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Day and Night Empty Re: Day and Night

Post by Mossfoot December 11th 2011, 14:41

Wow.More please!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Day and Night Empty Re: Day and Night

Post by Birdstar December 11th 2011, 14:55

This sounds so good so far Streamfur Keep it up Very Happy
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Day and Night Empty Re: Day and Night

Post by Scarlett December 11th 2011, 15:07

So, I love how unique this story is. The detail is great. I'm a little bit confused about the background story, but not to worry as I'm sure it will become clearer as the story goes on. My suggestion is to go along with what Iceclaw was doing by putting all of the pieces of her RP in the first part but putting all of the individual sections of in in spoilers so it isn't overwhelming to the readers and it doesn't distort pages (especially when I'm on my phone as I would like to continue reading this). The story is fantasic so far. You're a good writer. Keep it up. Wink Thumbs Up 2
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Day and Night Empty Re: Day and Night

Post by Frost December 12th 2011, 04:47

Interesting story here! And thanks Snowlily ^-^ Haha I'm flattered!~
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Day and Night Empty Re: Day and Night

Post by Streamstar December 17th 2011, 16:52

Day stared in wonder at the starry she-cat. Before she could say a word, Spottedleaf continued, "I have been watching you from Starclan little one. You have a great desiny ahead of you, greater than of any before you." Day looked around at the meadow and beautiful forest, and guessed that she was at Starclan. "Why did Night attack me?" Day asked, "And what do I need to do? Whe-" she was cut off when Spottedleaf continued, saying "The Dark Forest has taken over the four forest clans and you must save them. Your sister cannot be trusted, as well as many of the clan cats." Why does it have to be Night Day thought, but then she felt brave and ready to save the forest clans, forgetting what she was going to ask Spottedleaf next. "Well what are we waiting for?" Day mewed, "I feel like I can do anything."
"You have much to learn Day." Spottedleaf meowed, "You must learn from Midnight." Spottedleaf and everything else around her started to fade away and soon Day awoke in the nest she had made the previous night. She realized how hungry she was and she sniffed the air, smelling rabbit near by. She followed the scent to the moorland, and carefully crossed the scent marker. "Rabbit!" she squeaked as she spotted the prey and began to chase after it. "Hold it right there! You're tresspassing on Windclan territory!" Day froze and turned around to see a black tom standing behind her. The tom hissed and Day backed away in fear meowing, "I was just so hungry! Last night a cat named Spottedleaf said I have to learn from Midnight and I just don't know what to do!" The tom stopped and meowed, "Did you say Midnight?"
"Y-yes" Day replied. "I can help you. By the way, my name is Crowfeather."
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Day and Night Empty Re: Day and Night

Post by Scarlett December 19th 2011, 16:00

You have an interesting plot idea. How long is this going to be? So the whole betrayal concept is interesting in this particular storyline. That beginning part was a bit predictable because of the names but the story had a nice flow to it. I personally liked the incorporation of Starclan cats actually involving themselves in the lives of the cats that are still on the “Earth plane”, as it could be said, without them being asleep. You never see that in the Warriors books. Now I noticed, especially in the second chapter that all the dialogue was broken up. It came across as a bit choppy the first time I read it (I hope you don't take offense to that). I recommend putting the dialogue closer together or setting it up like it is in the books:
Day says something.
Spottedleaf says something and continue to have it alternate in this style.
It comes across more organized this way and it is also a lot clearer as far as who is doing what and you can include more for each of their actions before, during or after what they say without it being confusing. The story is very good though. Maybe add some more information about Day and Night before this happened? Maybe just a brief description of their relationship in the prologue would help. A short 2-3 sentances that get straight to the heart of their relationship would be perfect. That's the one thing the story is really missing. It's important to have that moment that shows their relationship before that conflict. That relationship combined with their bond as family and sisters none the less is what is going to add relavance to their relationship and the story. I also really like the way you clearly decided who the protagonist and antagonist of the story would be without coming out and saying it directly in the story and the way the catalyst was used was brilliant. Nice work. If you'd like me to explain more please don't hesitate to ask. Nicely done. I hope to see more from you.


Last edited by Snowlily on December 19th 2011, 16:26; edited 1 time in total
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Day and Night Empty Re: Day and Night

Post by Guest December 19th 2011, 16:09

I love this! It`s so good! You`re an excellent writer!
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Day and Night Empty Re: Day and Night

Post by Streamstar January 7th 2012, 16:02


~The beggining of this chapter takes place at the time when Day ran away from Night~
Chapter 3 (Night's pov)
Night hissed as her sister ran off, ready to run after her. Night felt betrayel, anger, and hatred toward Day, and she didn't know why, but it didn't matter to her. She ran after her sister, and wind blew the leaves around her.
"Night..." Night slowed to a stop as she heard her name.
"Night...." She looked around but there was no one there but the wind.
"Who's there!" Night yowled. If someone's trying to scare me.... She unsheathed her claws.
"Go to sleep Night... Come see me Night...."
Night scented the air. No one. She felt sleep pulling at her paws but resisted the erge to lye down.
"Night.... you can't escape me....."
Night couldn't stay awake any longer. She fell to the ground, closed her eyes, and fell asleep.
"Nice for you to finnaly join me Night." meowed a broad shouldered dark brown tom who was sitting in front of Night. Tigerstar. The name popped into her head as she saw the cat. Night felt like she reconized him the moment she him even though she was sure she had never met this tom before.
"What do you want!" Night hissed, as she began to notice the dark forest surrounding them. "And where are we?"
An evil grin appeared on the tom's face. "I want the same thing you want. I can help you. Welcome to the dark forest."
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