Phoenixflare (Updated!)

Name: Phoenixflare (Phixy, Phoenix, Blaze, Blazey)
Age: 24 moons
Description: Thin and lithe, she is very fast and light on her feet. She is a black she-cat with dark amber eyes and a gold tinge around the irises, giving part of her name, because her eyes are sharp and strong. Her claws are 3 inches long when fully extended with razor sharp tips. They are slightly curved, to do extra damage. She is a great hunter, thanks to her midnight black pelt, that blends into the shadows very well. She has powerful back legs, to give her an extra spring to attack impostors and to hunt
Personality: She is quiet and mysterious. On the outside, she is very secretive and shadowy, but in the inside, she is warm and fun. Her friends usually finds her very clever and witty.
Weaknesses: She hates the water. She is way too stubborn and way too energetic. Often loves to pick fights to let her energy out
Favorite fresh-kill: Mice, squirrels, voles, and any type of bird
Attack Power: 15,000
Clan: Moonclan (former), Skyclan (present)
Rank: Warrior
Mate: Bramblesky
Kits: Blackkit, Brackenkit, Dreamkit, and Falconkit
Father: Brackenfang
Mother:Sundream
Littermates: Angel Heart
Siblings: Emeraldsky
Ancestral Clans: Skyclan, Moonclan, Thunderclan
Well-known Ancestry: Firestar, Scourge, Leafstar, Brambleclaw, Tigerstar, Echosong, Lionblaze, Hollyleaf, Jayfeather, Dovewing, Ivypool
Favorite fresh-kill:
History: When Phoenixflare was young, and still in Moonclan, she always had fun playing with her brother Thornflame and sister Sparkshock. When she was an apprentice, her father Brackenfang died on the Thunderpath. She grieved deeply for her father, but still carried on, later, about a few moons after his death, her mother Sundream also died, killed by a rogue. Phoenixflare was heartbroken. Her mother and father were gone. All she had left were her brother and sister. When Phoenixflare became a warrior, she vowed to take revenge on the rogue. She tracked him down, but when she was about to deliver the killing blow, she thought better. She let the rogue go and went back to camp, feeling empty inside. Phoenixflare broke. She cried up at Starclan, wondering why they took her mom and dad instead of her. She ran away from Moonclan, thinking that she had nobody left. Phoenixflare accidently wandered into Skyclan, and Hazelstar took her in. She met a handsome tom and finally was content and happy. She had four healthy kits, Dreamkit, Blackkit, Brackenkit, and Falconkit, and watched the grow up and find their own love.
Apprentice:
Skills: As she was a former Moonclan cat, she was very sneaky and her black pelt blended well into the shadows which helped her a lot. Now though, she is in Skyclan so she is great at climbing trees, and can attack from above the opponent

Phoenixkit:

Phoenxipaw:

Phoenixflare:

Family:

Relationship Chart Key:

Relationship Chart:

Pm me if you want to be in my relationship chart!


CREDIT TO BOTH SNOWLILY AND WINDYSTORM FOR LENDING ME SOME OF THEIR IDEAS!!!!!!!!

Ooh hey Blazespirit!! I'm Blossomheart, a warrior in AwesomeClan! Did you join today? ^^

Your character sheet is pretty basic right now. If you look at other people's (Birdflight, Lightningstorm, Brightstar, etc.) you'll see that you can add a lot more! Or you could look at mine of course. xD

Ok. Thanks Blossomheart!

Blazey, you should use the main layout to make your thing more detailed It's a good start though!!!!

New updates on 2/17/2013 at 5:45 pm. My old one was tiny and basic.... -.-

Yay you used my eye description

.. giving part of her name, because her eyes are sharp and strong, to give her the part of the name, Phoenix.

You may want to rephrase that or cut it into two sentences. Also, take out either the first "give part to her name" or the last one.

Her fangs are 5 inches and her claws are 3 inches long when fully extended with razor sharp tips.

5 inch fangs would hang out of your mouth like a walrus. I use the metric system, so I can't really tell you how much that is in comparison to the size of the cat's whole face, but I do know that 6 inches is around 15 cm, and that is around half of the standard ruler size (30 cm). The most realistic for me would be 2 inches or less, with 2 stretching the limits a bit.
The claws are meh, since some people have written 3 inches before. I'd say it's not realistic but it'd be unfair to ask you to change it.

..way to energetic. Can't stay in one place for more than 3 minutes.

The fact that she can't stay in the same place for too long wouldn't be a major fault with too much energy (also there's a typo for "too" there). I would write, "..way too energetic. Looks for fights often to try and release some energy." or something like that.

There are a lot of typos and choppy sentences in your history, although the basic ideas are very well developed. The favuorite fresh-kill is also blank :O

You should also add credit to Windystorm for the relationship chart, if you put credit to Snowlily for stuff These are just the little things and you don't have to take my suggestions if you don't want to. Overall, good revision

Wow this is pretty good. C:

I never have enough time to make mine this detailed. Dx

But I hardly saw any errors, aside from the normal few typo's.

It's good though C:

I like how you organized the history too! c:

I have to agree with Cheese. I've seen people put down that their cats have like 6-inch claws. That's the size of a small ruler, which is insane. 2 inch fangs are pushing it, since they would really stick out. Normal fangs or claws are rare these days
Besides the stuff that Cheese pointed out, this is pretty cool.

Yay, you used the eye colour combi I chose :DDD

Good job!