Crystalclaw

by **Sagedance** February 17th 2013, 18:43

Cat Name:
Sagedance

Gender:
She-Cat

Age:
21 Moons

Rank:
Skyclan's Medicine cat

One Describing Word:
Fierce

Education
Juniper, Birdleaf

Parents:
Juniper and Grimm

Siblings:
Shivtalon, Mossbreeze, Jayfur

Favorite Prey/Food:
Squirrels, hare, starling, dove

Admirable Quotes:

"Once something is lost, it will take a miracle to find it again."

Appearance:
Thin, lithe, and small defines Sagedance. Her bones are still sturdy & tough, though, allowing her typically graceful movement style to flow more freely. Her pulchritudinous pelt is slick with a thin coat. Her pelt is a calico pattern with with a white underbelly and left ear. She has radiant, distinct amber eyes that are shadowed by a darker brown-gold color on the outline. Her claws are more light-colored than usual, more like a dark gray-brown than a black. . Her paws are light and agile, again benefiting her movement style.

Personality:
She is a gentle loving cat, much like Spottedleaf. She can and will do anything she can to help in any way she can. She is only loyal to only her clan and refuses to respect or acknowledge anyone outside her clan. Outsiders mistake her as a snobby cat. She is witty and clever, using her resources to her advantage. Also she is probably one of the most curious, sociable, outgoing cats in Skyclan. Due to this she is naturally very eloquent and proud of her opinions. However, acquaintances sometimes trigger her to be timid and quiet. Stubborn and way too easily riled, usually this period of shyness doesn't last long.

Special Skills
This tortoiseshell is NOT skilled in any way shape or form as a warrior. Even basic skills come to her as difficult, but she's amazing at her true profession as a medicine cat. She's particularly extraordinary at quickly choosing and learning about new herbs and cures for a cat's sickness.

Weaknesses:
Sensitive and way to easily out-witted. She worries more of what lies ahead than the present, and this applies especially when she worries more of the reward than the task. Her emotions change quickly, making her seem bipolar and vulnerable. She can rarely stay in one place for long while observing, mostly due to her bright appearance. She believes she is too mature or better than others to work with anyone, and although she truly does do better alone, she often appears to be scared when she passes up those offers. She can't hunt very well, although she can track well.

History/Origins:
Crystalkit was born to a group of elite rogues called the Shield. The Shield had no affiliation with any religion but their own but still followed the format of StarClan. They lived near Phantom Canyon, and were the predators of all the territory. Crystalkit was born with 4 littermates, whom she was closely bonded with. She was a very mischievous kit, always sneaking out with her siblings. She was prepared for training the day she started it because her father often came and practiced battle moves with her, stances, and other basic things. She had a good life, a good family, a good start. She was as happy as she could be, and by the age of 4 moons, she became Crystalpaw. But good lives don't last forever.

((In Construction and to Inaugurate More Detail Soon; This Applies to All My Sheet As Well as My History))

by Phoenixflare February 17th 2013, 18:51

Very lovely character, Crystalclaw! It's very descriptive and I like the words that you used. Keep up the good work!

by **Caraway** February 17th 2013, 19:01

You're not going to be littermates with Dawnstorm on the site? o:

I noticed that though your vocabulary is very developed, the structure and grammar of the sentences are a bit off. Reading aloud can solve choppy or strange phrases in paragraphs, and will help lots in removing repetitive details.

Thin, lithe, and small, Crystalclaw is a flexible figure. Her bones are strong yet amazingly bendable and flexible, allowing her typical shadowy movement style to flow more freely. She is small and thin in figure but she is strong all the same.

Personally, I would write "..has a flexible figure." Throughout these three sentences, I feel as though the same details are being rephrased: Crystalclaw is strong but flexible, allowing her movements to be graceful but sturdy.

..cool medium-blue eyes..

I'm not sure what colour medium-blue is. There are many possible shades between there, and a simile would work better for a more accurate description.

Vain and finds herself perfect too much.

I like that your flaws are real and possible, much like humans. I think the use of "too much" in this context sounds weird, so I would write "Vain and often finds herself perfect."

Easily adapted to the cold weather, and aucually prefers snowy mountains rather than firm ground.

This sounds quite strange, in my opinion. The only typo is there as well x) My suggestion would be, "Very adaptable to extreme climates, she is especially familiar with cold weather and actually prefers snowy mountains over firm ground."

This isn't my opinion on your whole sheet, these are just the little things I wanted to point out.I analyze character sheets and critique them closely all the time. You don't have to follow my suggestions; it's your character sheet and you decide what your version of perfect is. Overall, it's a really great start and I think your history will top it off nicely. Smile

by **Sparrowfire** February 17th 2013, 19:05

Cool character, CrystalClaw! I like her personality the most.

by **Sagedance** February 17th 2013, 19:22

CheeseStar wrote:You're not going to be littermates with Dawnstorm on the site? o:

I noticed that though your vocabulary is very developed, the structure and grammar of the sentences are a bit off. Reading aloud can solve choppy or strange phrases in paragraphs, and will help lots in removing repetitive details.

Thin, lithe, and small, Crystalclaw is a flexible figure. Her bones are strong yet amazingly bendable and flexible, allowing her typical shadowy movement style to flow more freely. She is small and thin in figure but she is strong all the same.
Personally, I would write "..has a flexible figure." Throughout these three sentences, I feel as though the same details are being rephrased: Crystalclaw is strong but flexible, allowing her movements to be graceful but sturdy.

..cool medium-blue eyes..
I'm not sure what colour medium-blue is. There are many possible shades between there, and a simile would work better for a more accurate description.

Vain and finds herself perfect too much.
I like that your flaws are real and possible, much like humans. I think the use of "too much" in this context sounds weird, so I would write "Vain and often finds herself perfect."

Easily adapted to the cold weather, and aucually prefers snowy mountains rather than firm ground.
This sounds quite strange, in my opinion. The only typo is there as well x) My suggestion would be, "Very adaptable to extreme climates, she is especially familiar with cold weather and actually prefers snowy mountains over firm ground."

This isn't my opinion on your whole sheet, these are just the little things I wanted to point out.I analyze character sheets and critique them closely all the time. You don't have to follow my suggestions; it's your character sheet and you decide what your version of perfect is. Overall, it's a really great start and I think your history will top it off nicely.

You have quite a nice eye, CheeseStar. It's very admirable. I can see why you were selected as one of the Site Reviewers. Crystalclaw 298326071

Sheet altered and amplified.

I have a new method more fully demonstrate the colour of specific parts in Crystalclaw's appearance. The selection panel doesn't provide many colours that suit the description, but I made do with it. Do you think it works out well?

by Ren February 18th 2013, 08:45

Woah Cryst.... I love it! Now I know why you were on the laptop for like 2 hours >.<

It looks like Cheese pointed out most of the errors... you're history has a good start, too. Write more soon, and you should look at other sheets for examples and ideas

by **Frost** February 18th 2013, 09:24

I thought I saw my name in that charrie sheet of yours but realised it was just a place Razz

Very very detailed, you're definitely a good writer. I think that you went a little overboard with all the descriptive phrases and the use of complex words. I also noticed that your sentences are rather repetitive.

I highly suggest you look through your "Appearance" paragraph and make some amendments Razz

Because I feel that its more of a thesis with too detailed description. Make it slightly simpler. Notice that you use a lot of words like "slightly".

Your cat seems like the mysterious, dark but talented kind. Maybe one of them would be more appropriate for the one word to describe your cat. Phantom's kind of like that too ^^

You're not related to DS? Your sibilings and parents have really eerie names D;

Her pelt is a snowy whitewith silvery tips

Needs to be changed. Typo.

by Bloodpaw February 18th 2013, 10:32

O.o That's really descriptive Crystalclaw. So cool though! You did a really good job, you can really picture exactly what she looks like from that.

by **Nyx** February 18th 2013, 12:24

It's a good start Crystalclaw. Smile

Phantom and CheeseStar have both pointed out some stuff for you to change, and I don't really see anything else except for a couple things:

Crystalclaw wrote:She can run quick enough for her to seem a blur...

That seems a little oddly phrased. Maybe, "She can run quick enough to be a blur..."

And for the "One Word Describing Crystalclaw," I think it should be 'mysterious,' not 'mystery.'

You seem to have a really good vocabulary, but don't go excessive on it. Razz

Some members here are around 12 or so, and you still want them to be able to read and understand your character.

by Windystorm February 19th 2013, 20:41

Woah, this is awesome, Crystal! Way more descriptive than many of the character sheets I've seen. I don't think I'd be able to do the same. Bright and Cheese have caught all of the mistakes I've seen already, so you're good if you change some things Razz

Good lord, I had to use a dictionary ._. Pulchritudinous? xD Do you use these words naturally or do you look for some synonyms for beautiful? Razz