Lilacstar (completed!)

It's good but There were some gramatical errors. You put "broth" instead of "brother" and then in that same sentance used "were" instead of "was". I would also suggest not starting so many sentences with "soon" in the history? It flows weird and kind of makes it sound strange but over all I liked it.

Hey Iceshard this is Cloudsong.. (used to be Birdsong)
just thought you should know that im finally on the website!
Ivyfrost is helping me write my history wont youhelp too? (pretty please)

Awesome work!
You spelled a few names wrong, like "Honeysta" and "Garcekit" in the history, but it was otherwise excellent. I love how you used vivid similes and figurative language in the history. Very nice description. I love it!

I like your avatar... O:

But how are there shadows covering her eyes??

the picture is cool it has a lot of interesting details. nobody could clone that cat. e.e
the profile overall is mostly realistic, which i like :3 i can't really elaborate on what i like but if you would like to read a very detailed, slightly annoying, picky review, look below

you did use a few varieties of sentence starters, but a lot of the time you repeated things like "She has. She has". it's hard because you can only use about two different ones, but if you use compound sentences, it should help. for example, your description:
the detail of "She also has three black stripes covering her bangs, and black ears tips." can probably be included in the previous sentence pointing out all her black stripes: " Viper has a black chest, black paws, black stripes down her black, and tail with a black tipped tail."
the sentence then becomes "Viper has a black chest, black paws, black stripes on her bangs and back, and a corresponding black tailtip."

also, you don't need to repeat things like this: "She also has shadows covering her eyes, and you rarely get to see her her beautiful bright green eyes." it was said as the first sentence, too: "...with over hanging bangs covering her lime green eyes..."
another time was: "amazingly skilled fighter, and has very talented fighting skills." it's almost the same; the difference is slight.

i would suggest making your personality a little less perfect, put a flaw or two in it, as i'm sure she isn't a supercat or something. being shy is not always an imperfection and even if it is in this case, i don't think it's balanced enough.

did you read through this after you wrote it? there are a few spelling mistakes. in the sentence about the black stripes i reviewed above, you wrote black instead of back. small errors like that are fixed as easily as they are made.

the font is a bit blinding @.@ maybe that's just my grandma eyes, but i think you should pick shades that are less neon.

i like your history i'm just curious, why did Viper run away to the desert? it doesn't say.

You've repeated some of your previous mistakes, for example, repeating details:
At the beginning of your description, you wrote that she has a slender and long body. Then, in the next sentence, you wrote, "Viper has a slender body with thin, long legs and a long tail." You also missed a few words, and there was a small grammatical error in the sentence,"...such soft fur you think she was a kittypet." It should be you'd, or you would.
In your personality, you repeated and in the same sentence a few times. Commas and more sentences should fix that.

Very good; only grammar mistakes

As a side note, I thought "pretty but not too beautiful amber-grey eyes" was a little strange. It's almost half modest. The adjective pretty on its own would've been fine. The "not too beautiful" part sounds odd and misplaced. Pretty sums up the phrase pretty well on its own, so I would suggest that.

Proof-reading will do you good reading things out loud will make things flow.

Cheese has pointed out all of the mistakes, but I like it :3 Black cats 8D

Brilliant indeed ;D jk

You forgot to add Windy as your crush

It's "Rogue" not "Rouge" xD

this is a great character sheet I wish I had time and patience to make one. lol

NICE! I like the family tree and I can't wait for the history

Are you doing the relationship chart? :O

You simplified it Well, at least until the next update

You really have no big mistakes this time. It has improved a lot. Only triangular in appearance and technique in special skills are spelled wrong

The family tree is actually a family tree

Keep writing and update soon

UPDATED

Thanks Cheesy! I corrected the two mistakes! And Yes, I made a Little Family Tree.

Ginger: Yeah, I made A Relationship chart, but it took FOREVER But I'm proud of it. :3

Hey you made a family tree! ^.^ I made one on a family tree maker site (great minds think alike )
and I haven't figured out how to post it. Its like a file thing so I'm having a hard time figuring out how to post it. Anyway awesome job Viper and I love all the pictures!

Pssh I'm not in your relationship chart? I see how it is! D:<

Could you add me to your relationship cart as a known cat? (Lol I almost said car.) Thanks in advance!

Wait!!! What about Moonpaw in the Relationship chart D:< I see how it is.

(Written by the Lazy Moonpaw who snuck on while Sparky was in the bathroom )

Petalfrost wrote:It's good but There were some gramatical errors. You put "broth" instead of "brother" and then in that same sentance used "were" instead of "was". I would also suggest not starting so many sentences with "soon" in the history? It flows weird and kind of makes it sound strange but over all I liked it.

"broth" maybe she just likes soup XD
It is better than the average, but some is kind of confusing (btw I get confused easily)

Love the family chart! It's so cool
Pleeeeease write the history as soon as you can
On your relationship chart can I be a stranger at least? D:

Add me in the chart! We're both in DF! :3

Pine scared me

I just noticed you like all the evil cats.
Wow, you're only like 10 moons older than your daughter.