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Lilacstar (completed!)

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Lilacstar (completed!)

Post by Lilacstar on July 3rd 2012, 20:50



Current Name: Lilacstar
Past Names: Lilackit, Lilacpaw, Lilacfrost
Description: Tall, slender cream colored she-cat with a white chest and several markings along her spine, tail and paws in varying shades of brown, she also has surprisingly thick fur.Along her side, Lilacstar has faint tabby like markings that are faintly grey-gold in hue. She has a round head, with large ears, with a notch in the top of her left ear, and narrow shoulders that lead elegantly down to her small, soft paws. Lilacstar's eyes are wide. and a riveting shade of soft blue and framed by several wispy strands of fur.
photo of Lilacstar's design:
Personality: Calm, observant, caring, selfless, organized, strategic, very nurturing towards her clan (especially the youngest and eldest members of the clan), brave, natural leader, and incredibly cunning.
Gender: Female
Age: 38 moons
Rank: Leader
Clan: Windclan
Lives left: 6 lives currently remaining.
Affiliation: Starclan
Favorite Characters: Hawkfrost, Crowfeather, Leafpool, and Yellowfang.
Likes: Runs, sunbathing, visiting the nursery and elders den.
Dislikes:Bickering among her clan, thorns, and grooming mud out of her long fur.
Favorite seasons:New-leaf
Least favorite season:Green-leaf (the heat on the open moorland is unbearable)
Psychical abilities:Long distance and sprinting, leaping, stealth, and offensive attacks.
Psychical weaknesses:Defensive fighting, climbing, and swimming.
Favorite thing learned during apprenticehood:Hunting and long distance running.
Least favorite thing learned during apprenticehood: Fighting and patrolling.
Mentor: Rabbitdust
Apprentice(s): Owlcrest, Mudpaw
Parents: Harestrike and Sunfrost
Siblings:Raggedweed, Birdsong, and Lilykit
Mate: Moorstrike, Sunfire(coverup mate)
Kits: Rabbitkit, Beekit,and  Mousetail
Close companions: Forestblaze, Moonsong,
Enemies: Redstar (formerly close friend)
History: Lilacstar was born to Harestrike and Sunfrost of Windclan during one of the harshest winters that any elder can remember, with two older siblings; Raggedweed (male) and Birdsong (female), as well as younger sibling Lilykit (female) whom died shortly after birth after fatally contracting green-cough. Due to the loss of her sister at such a young age, both her parents and older siblings became incredibly protective over Lilacstar; Sunfrost being the most protective, she rarely let her out of eyesight during their time spent together in the nursery. Sometime during the warmth of late springleaf and early greenleaf, Lilacstar was given the new name Lilacpaw and was apprenticed to the ever-grumpy Rabbitdust, a massive tom with constantly matted fur and a missing tooth. The newly named Lilacpaw spent most of the bountiful greenleaf moons learning to hunt and fight, and during those said moons she met and befriended Redstar at her first gathering, whom had also been a newly appointed apprentice at that time. Around this time Lilacpaw also became close with Moorpaw, a former warrior's apprentice who had found his calling in the art of healing, and the two began the confusing journey that hung on the edge between romantic and platonic. Sometime towards the end of her apprenticeship, Windclan went to war with Riverclan; the two clans clashing over the prime territory between them, and during the vicious battle, Rabbitdust was brutally killed. Shortly after his murder, the two clans fell into an uneasy peace and during the unstable truce, Lilacpaw proved herself worthy of becoming a full fledged warrior and she became Lilacfrost. Shortly after her naming ceremony, Lilacfrost and the newly-name Moorstrike's relationship took a turn towards the romantic side, and both cats spent most of their early moons caught up in secret meetings and brief romantic encounters. As the hot, dry season of greenleaf gave way to the crisp, cool weather of leaf-fall, Lilacfrost (the newly appointed deputy of Windclan) discovered that she was carrying Moorstrike's kits, and the two were greatly distressed and confused as to how to hide her rapidly swelling tummy. Thankfully Forestblaze, a close friend of Lilacfrost, arranged a fake courtship between Lilacfrost and her son, Sunfire; who agreed to pose as the father for the oncoming kits. Unfortunately for Lilacfrost and Moorstrike, Starclan was quite unhappy with the forbidden relationship and the kits that it would soon produce, and tragically decided to take two of the three kits right after birth (Rabbitkit and Beekit) while crippling the third, Mousetail. While the grief of loosing the two kits and having a crippled kit proved too much for Moorstrike, whom abandoned both his position and faith in Starclan, Lilacfrost was able to persevere and become leader of Windclan. Sometime during Lilacstar's first blessing with her nine lives and to the present day, she and Redstar (whom had also become leader of Shadowclan) had a violent falling out when their clans had gone to war, costing Lilacstar one of her lives. Now Lilacstar spends most of her time managing the fragile peace between the current clans, and as well as keeping her ever shrinking clan in order.
(names with lines through them mean the character is deceased)



L I L C S T A R ' S P L A Y L I S T

control /halsey/ *  colors pt II /halsey/* rise /skillet/*  NASHVILLE /noah gunderson/*  ANTI-GRAVITY /runaround/*  
THE VALLEY /the oh hellos/*  HEAVY IS THE COST /stars/*  blackbird song /lee dewyze/*  
LAST MAN STANDING /people in places/*  THE WAY /zack hemsey/*  
stressed out /twenty one pilots/*  castle /halsey/*  on my own /ashes remain/
(titles in caps are the highly emphasized songs that capture Lilacstar's character)


Last edited by Lilacstar on January 23rd 2016, 19:05; edited 28 times in total (Reason for editing : needed to be updated, corrected, and finished)
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Re: Lilacstar (completed!)

Post by Heatherpool on July 4th 2012, 08:35

It's good but There were some gramatical errors. You put "broth" instead of "brother" and then in that same sentance used "were" instead of "was". I would also suggest not starting so many sentences with "soon" in the history? It flows weird and kind of makes it sound strange but over all I liked it. Smile
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Re: Lilacstar (completed!)

Post by Bloodpaw on July 24th 2012, 09:12

Hey Iceshard this is Cloudsong.. (used to be Birdsong)
just thought you should know that im finally on the website!
Ivyfrost is helping me write my history wont youhelp too? (pretty please)
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Re: Lilacstar (completed!)

Post by Lilacstar on August 11th 2012, 11:29

UPDATED!

Please R&R!
(Read & Review Wink)
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Re: Lilacstar (completed!)

Post by Noxe on August 11th 2012, 16:15

Awesome work!
You spelled a few names wrong, like "Honeysta" and "Garcekit" in the history, but it was otherwise excellent. I love how you used vivid similes and figurative language in the history. Very nice description. I love it! Very Happy

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Re: Lilacstar (completed!)

Post by Auburnflare on August 11th 2012, 16:21

I like your avatar... O:

But how are there shadows covering her eyes??
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Re: Lilacstar (completed!)

Post by Caraway on August 11th 2012, 16:55

the picture is cool Very Happy it has a lot of interesting details. nobody could clone that cat. e.e
the profile overall is mostly realistic, which i like :3 i can't really elaborate on what i like but if you would like to read a very detailed, slightly annoying, picky review, look below Razz

you did use a few varieties of sentence starters, but a lot of the time you repeated things like "She has. She has". it's hard because you can only use about two different ones, but if you use compound sentences, it should help. for example, your description:
the detail of "She also has three black stripes covering her bangs, and black ears tips." can probably be included in the previous sentence pointing out all her black stripes: " Viper has a black chest, black paws, black stripes down her black, and tail with a black tipped tail."
the sentence then becomes "Viper has a black chest, black paws, black stripes on her bangs and back, and a corresponding black tailtip."

also, you don't need to repeat things like this: "She also has shadows covering her eyes, and you rarely get to see her her beautiful bright green eyes." it was said as the first sentence, too: "...with over hanging bangs covering her lime green eyes..."
another time was: "amazingly skilled fighter, and has very talented fighting skills." it's almost the same; the difference is slight.

i would suggest making your personality a little less perfect, put a flaw or two in it, as i'm sure she isn't a supercat or something. being shy is not always an imperfection and even if it is in this case, i don't think it's balanced enough.

did you read through this after you wrote it? there are a few spelling mistakes. in the sentence about the black stripes i reviewed above, you wrote black instead of back. small errors like that are fixed as easily as they are made.

the font is a bit blinding @.@ maybe that's just my grandma eyes, but i think you should pick shades that are less neon.

i like your history Very Happy i'm just curious, why did Viper run away to the desert? it doesn't say.

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Re: Lilacstar (completed!)

Post by Lilacstar on August 25th 2012, 12:30

Updated!
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Re: Lilacstar (completed!)

Post by Caraway on August 25th 2012, 17:42

You've repeated some of your previous mistakes, for example, repeating details:
At the beginning of your description, you wrote that she has a slender and long body. Then, in the next sentence, you wrote, "Viper has a slender body with thin, long legs and a long tail." You also missed a few words, and there was a small grammatical error in the sentence,"...such soft fur you think she was a kittypet." It should be you'd, or you would.
In your personality, you repeated and in the same sentence a few times. Commas and more sentences should fix that.

Very good; only grammar mistakes Razz

As a side note, I thought "pretty but not too beautiful amber-grey eyes" was a little strange. It's almost half modest. The adjective pretty on its own would've been fine. The "not too beautiful" part sounds odd and misplaced. Pretty sums up the phrase pretty well on its own, so I would suggest that.

Proof-reading will do you good Smile reading things out loud will make things flow.

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Re: Lilacstar (completed!)

Post by Windystorm on August 26th 2012, 13:59

Cheese has pointed out all of the mistakes, but I like it :3 Black cats 8D

Brilliant indeed ;D jk
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Re: Lilacstar (completed!)

Post by Auburnflare on September 16th 2012, 16:33

You forgot to add Windy as your crush Wink
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Re: Lilacstar (completed!)

Post by Frost on September 16th 2012, 19:09

It's "Rogue" not "Rouge" xD

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Re: Lilacstar (completed!)

Post by Cedarpaw on September 17th 2012, 17:38

this is a great character sheet Very Happy I wish I had time and patience to make one. lol
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Re: Lilacstar (completed!)

Post by Shimmerpaw on October 27th 2012, 09:38

NICE! I like the family tree and I can't wait for the history Very Happy
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Re: Lilacstar (completed!)

Post by Legendflower on October 27th 2012, 09:45

Are you doing the relationship chart? :O
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Re: Lilacstar (completed!)

Post by Caraway on October 27th 2012, 14:10

You simplified it Very Happy Well, at least until the next update Razz

You really have no big mistakes this time. It has improved a lot. Only triangular in appearance and technique in special skills are spelled wrong Wink

The family tree is actually a family tree Razz

Keep writing and update soon Smile

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Re: Lilacstar (completed!)

Post by Lilacstar on October 27th 2012, 15:20

UPDATED


Thanks Cheesy! I corrected the two mistakes! Wink And Yes, I made a Little Family Tree. Razz

Ginger: Yeah, I made A Relationship chart, but it took FOREVER But I'm proud of it. :3
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Re: Lilacstar (completed!)

Post by Birdstar on October 27th 2012, 15:28

Hey you made a family tree! ^.^ I made one on a family tree maker site (great minds think alike Wink )
and I haven't figured out how to post it. Its like a file thing so I'm having a hard time figuring out how to post it. Anyway awesome job Viper and I love all the pictures!
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Re: Lilacstar (completed!)

Post by Legendflower on October 27th 2012, 16:28

Pssh I'm not in your relationship chart? I see how it is! D:<
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Re: Lilacstar (completed!)

Post by Sunbeam on October 28th 2012, 04:49

Could you add me to your relationship cart as a known cat? (Lol I almost said car.) Thanks in advance!
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Re: Lilacstar (completed!)

Post by Shimmerpaw on October 28th 2012, 15:44

Wait!!! What about Moonpaw in the Relationship chart D:< I see how it is.

(Written by the Lazy Moonpaw who snuck on while Sparky was in the bathroom Very Happy)
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Re: Lilacstar (completed!)

Post by Lunarlight on November 1st 2012, 13:52

Petalfrost wrote:It's good but There were some gramatical errors. You put "broth" instead of "brother" and then in that same sentance used "were" instead of "was". I would also suggest not starting so many sentences with "soon" in the history? It flows weird and kind of makes it sound strange but over all I liked it. Smile
"broth" maybe she just likes soup XD
It is better than the average, but some is kind of confusing (btw I get confused easily)
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Re: Lilacstar (completed!)

Post by Noxe on November 1st 2012, 16:50

Love the family chart! It's so cool Very Happy
Pleeeeease write the history as soon as you can Very Happy Very Happy Very Happy
On your relationship chart can I be a stranger at least? D:

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Re: Lilacstar (completed!)

Post by Frost on November 1st 2012, 23:52

Add me in the chart! We're both in DF! :3

Pine scared me Very Scared

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Re: Lilacstar (completed!)

Post by Sunbeam on November 2nd 2012, 00:03

I just noticed you like all the evil cats. Twisted Evil
Wow, you're only like 10 moons older than your daughter. Super Happy
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Re: Lilacstar (completed!)

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